IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists and not local people. Why is the case? What can be done to attract local people?

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Nowadays, various
museums
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 and historical
places
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 are mostly visited by
travelers
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travellers
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 from other cities and countries
instead
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 of local individuals. In
this
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 essay, I will consider the reasons and
also
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 solutions for each of them.
To begin
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 with, one of the reasons why the majority of visitors to
museums
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 and historical sites are tourists is the loss of curiosity.
While
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 the native
people
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 have spent most of their
lifes
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lives
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 in school to study the history of their local area and the country, the foreign
people
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 do not have the opportunity and just know their nations.
Therefore
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,
travelers
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travellers
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 tend to visit
museums
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 and heritage sites to explore more about other cultures. One of the excellent examples is a Google survey of Vietnam in 2023, keywords about tourist attractions
such
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 as “Da Nang” and “Ba Na hills” were found the most by surrounding nations like Korea or Thailand
instead
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 of Vietnam.
Moreover
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, the price of tickets should be considered as another reason for fewer native
people
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 want to go to historical
places
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.
While
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 exchanging the price for other countries' money can be cheaper compared with their nations,
this
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 can be too pricey and unaffordable in Vietnam. One of the possible solutions to attract more local
people
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 to visit historical sites is collaborating with local schools. By incorporating those educational
places
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, the museum can attract a huge number of students by combining the experiences of heritage
places
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 with history lessons.
For instance
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, recording a study of Vinschool students, more than 80% of students want to travel to
museums
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 to study Historical lessons more effectively.
Furthermore
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, having marketing strategies is
also
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 a solution to having more visitors which are local
people
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. By promoting on several social media platforms
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok,
museums
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 and historical
places
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 can attract a huge number of visitors, especially young
people
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.
For example
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, by marketing on TikTok, Hoa Lo Prison Relic has attracted many young individuals to visit and
check in
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check-in
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. In conclusion, the reasons that led to
this
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 case are the loss of curiosity of native individuals and the unaffordable ticket prices. Some possible solutions that can help to address
this
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 issue are to collaborate with local schools and have smarter marketing strategies.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, but try to elaborate more on some points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a smooth flow between ideas and paragraphs to enhance coherence. Some transitions between ideas can be improved.
task achievement
Add more specific and varied examples to support your points better, making your arguments more robust and convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and phrasing issues that may slightly affect the clarity of your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction presents a clear and focused thesis statement, setting the context for your essay effectively.
logical structure
Each paragraph addresses a specific point, and your essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
relevant specific examples
You provided several relevant examples to back up your points, which add depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • tourist attractions
  • interactive exhibits
  • perception
  • civic pride
  • engagement
  • community outreach
  • curate
  • cultural institutions
  • historical significance
  • sustainable tourism
  • resident benefits
  • local patronage
  • preserve
  • educational initiatives
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