IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given diagrams illustrate that a
park
initially
 opened in 1920 and how it appears today.
Overall
, it is readily apparent that the
park
 has undergone some moderate changes, with the addition of more facilities and recreational areas. In terms of the entrances, in 1920 there were two in the north and south ,
whereas
 today we have gotten entrance from the underground car
park
 in the bottom right-hand corner, which is located near the water feather.
However
,
instead
 of the water feature, there was a glasshouse.
In addition
, the top right-hand corner was occupied by a rose garden and a pond for water plants, even though both were redeveloped giving a way to café and children's play area. With regards to the stage for musicians in 1920, it has experienced expansion and has been renovated into an amphitheatre for concerts. Another striking change is that a fountain in the centre has been converted into a rose backyard, surrounded by seats, even though in the past seats were allocated along the entire
park
.
Nevertheless
, another rose
park
 in the southwest has been knocked down, and just one in the northwest hasn't seen any change.
Submitted by Amir Rustamov on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the main features of the two diagrams and makes relevant comparisons. To improve further, you could provide more detailed descriptions of the changes and their impact.
coherence and cohesion
Work on refining your sentence structures and ensuring smooth transitions between points for better readability and clarity. Additionally, consider adding a brief conclusion to summarize the changes discussed.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and described the main features of the park in both timelines.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, beginning with an introduction and followed by paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the park.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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