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Band 5.5

In the future all cars, busses and trucks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #busses #trucks #driveless #people #vehicles #passengers #driverless
In the following years, all
vehicles
 including
cars
, buses, and trucks are predicted to have self-driving features, which means the
vehicles
 would be operated by the system , not the person.
This
 essay will discuss whether the benefits of
this
 outweigh the drawbacks. Nowadays, self-driving
vehicles
 have been discovered,
for instance
, Tesla
cars
 that were developed by Ellon Musk. With the self-driving system, drivers no longer have to carefully watch over the road along their journey, resulting in the increase of lenient time for the driver, making them able to do another activity
while
 waiting to arrive at their destination.
Additionally
, the
cars
 are equipped with detailed safety procedures, breaking all the harmful possibilities that might occur during driving
such
 as crashing another human or animal on the road. For that reason, the owner can trust their safety and time to
this
 technology.
However
, the safety procedures do not always guarantee the passenger’s security.
This
driverless
 vehicle mostly works by the algorithms that allow the driver to input the first command on whether the vehicle should be moving forward or
backwards
Fix the agreement mistake
backward
show examples
. In recent years, a
driverless
 car incident happened in Hong Kong when a self-driving car fell into a lake
due to
 a drunk driver wrongly inputting the first command. Another case was
driverless
 public transportation in Jakarta named LRT created
1-hour
Correct article usage
a 1-hour
show examples
 delay on the journey because an error occurred when the train
should make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 a turn along the way. There is no denying that
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 made by
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 can sometimes make an error,
moreover
,
driverless
vehicles
also
 raise the sense of confidence for drunk people to ride their
cars
 when in truth it is still dangerous for them. In conclusion, it is not true that the benefits of self-driving
vehicles
 outweigh the downsides. When it is indeed saving extra time for the passengers,
nonetheless
 the security’s drawbacks are more destructive for them.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Try to define 'self-driving' clearly in the introduction and avoid repetition. Use a variety of topic sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Use cohesive devices such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently.'
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of driverless vehicles.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the essay's position.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomous vehicles
  • human error
  • cybersecurity threats
  • vulnerable to hacking
  • traffic congestion
  • smooth, continuous flow
  • transportation systems
  • economic impact
  • unemployment rates
  • economic instability
  • ethical dilemmas
  • programming
  • split-second decisions
  • moral responsibility
What to do next:
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