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Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below give irformation about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over ra two-week period in 2013.

The charts below give irformation about the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia, over ra two-week period in 2013.
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The graph below demonstrates the information about the prices of tickets of the airline between
Sydney
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 for
two
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
Use synonyms
week
Correct your spelling
two-week
show examples
 period in 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 graph shows
Correct article usage
a comparision
show examples
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 of prices for
week
Use synonyms
 1 and
week
Use synonyms
 2 between
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and for
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 which briefly
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the
price
Use synonyms
 difference
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for seven days of the
week
Use synonyms
. To Commence with that from
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
price as
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
comapare
Correct your spelling
compared
compare
 to the return flight from
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
. As we can see
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
week
Use synonyms
 1 of
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 had high
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on Monday,
Friday
Use synonyms
 and Saturday which is 70$ or above but not maximum
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 80$. For
week
Use synonyms
 two the
monday
Change the capitalization
Monday
show examples
 had become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
cheaper as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
Friday
Use synonyms
 and Saturday.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, from
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 had cheap
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 weather it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to weekends it
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 seen that the
price
Use synonyms
 was only high on
Use synonyms
friday
Change the capitalization
Friday
show examples
 but
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 in the
week
Use synonyms
 was less than 60$ and it was
also
Linking Words
 seen that the
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 were similar on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Lastlty
Correct your spelling
Lastly
,
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
friday
Change the capitalization
Friday
show examples
 were higher
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
comapre
Correct your spelling
compared
compare
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 to
Melbourne
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sydney, melbourne, week, price, friday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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