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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the percentage of
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 between the
ages
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 60-64 and their
employment
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 status in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
To begin
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, in
men
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, there is a difference in
employment
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 between the years 1970 and 2000, and the
graph
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 shows that in general
men
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 of
ages
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 60-64 were more employed in 1970 as there is a higher percentage of
employment
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 during that time across all four countries. in the years 1970 and 2000
men
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 in Japan had the highest
employment
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 rate compared to all the other four countries.
Moreover
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, in the
women
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's
graph
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, we can see a wide difference in the
employment
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 rate compared to the
men
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's
employment
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 rate. In the same way, it is seen from the
graph
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 that
women
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 in Japan are the most employed during the
ages
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 of 60-64.
On the other hand
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, Belgium is considered to have the lowest number of
women
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 in
employment
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 between those
ages
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 and across the two years.
to conclude
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, there is a big difference between
men
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 and
women
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 in
employment
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 of
ages
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 60-64, with
men
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 having a higher chance of being employed

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, men, women, ages, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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