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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The Chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#visitors #cinema #age #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 figure of
toruist
Correct your spelling
tourist
tourists
to a local cinema based on age in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
ages55
Correct your spelling
ages 55
 And older
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest figure
whereas
Linking Words
,
Ages
Use synonyms
 31 -45 was the lowest number. To begin with, the percentage of
ages
Use synonyms
 55 and older was 51
percent
Use synonyms
 in 2000
.
Correct your spelling
On
on the contrary
Linking Words
, the proportion of
ages
Use synonyms
 31_45 was 5
percent
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
 to that ,the rate of
ages
Use synonyms
 10_15 was 21
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the percentage of
Correct pronoun usage
those age
show examples
age
Wrong verb form
aged
show examples
 21-30 was 8 per cent .
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,8
percent
Use synonyms
 was in
ages
Use synonyms
 21 _30 .
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ages, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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