Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays, most
people
spend their free time with a sedentary lifestyle
. In contrast
with
, new Change preposition
apply
business
about
gyms Change preposition
apply
has
been opened a lotCorrect subject-verb agreement
have
increased
. I believeVerb problem
apply
,
a minimum wage Remove the comma
apply
of
Change preposition
for
Correct article usage
the populations
populations
and gyms member fee is Fix the agreement mistake
population
a
main Correct article usage
the
problem
associate
with Replace the word
associated
point
. Add an article
a point
the point
However
, it can be improved by the government
and the entrepreneur.
On the one hand, in
certainly, many workers have a new normal Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
, they usually use their free time with electronic tools, relaxing
at home and Wrong verb form
relax
declines
Correct subject-verb agreement
decline
an
outdoor Correct article usage
apply
activity
because they need to reduce Fix the agreement mistake
activities
cost
of daily life and adapt Add an article
the cost
into
Change preposition
to
situation
of Add an article
the situation
a situation
economy
. It seems like an insignificant change of Add an article
the economy
lifestyle
but it has been affected by the government
Change noun form
government's
managing
. So, the Replace the word
management
government
should be decreasing
the personal income tax, Wrong verb form
decrease
it
will Correct word choice
as it
can
help Remove a modal verb
apply
people
for
save Change preposition
to
cost
. Fix the agreement mistake
costs
For example
, Correct article usage
the Canada
Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
government
has a policy to reduce tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
of
Change preposition
on
populations
every year that why their citizen has a lot of money and can Fix the agreement mistake
population
be spend
their money Change the verb form
spend
with
outdoor Change preposition
on
activity
Replace the word
activities
also
.
On the other hand
, the number of gym business
gradually Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
while
the lifestyle
of people
was adjusted, that cause
to impact Wrong verb form
caused
with
Change preposition
on
business
profit of many gyms. Correct article usage
the business
For Instance
, in a few years, many fitness in Thailand were closed after the member club
slightly Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
decreases
and they could not have Wrong verb form
decreased
ability
Add an article
the ability
for
disburse all the Change preposition
to
expenditure
. Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
This
problem
, it will can solve
after the Wrong verb form
be solved
people
have ability
to Correct article usage
the ability
purchasing
. Replace the word
purchase
Company
should have a campaign Add an article
The company
A company
to
new Change preposition
for
member
and discount Fix the agreement mistake
members
promotion
. Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
Moreover
, they need to make a marketing for promote when people
have an
attention they will become to a membership.
Remove the article
apply
To sum up
, sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
lifestyle
is become
to new normal life but it impacts to gym Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
business
. It is a significant problem
and need
Change the verb form
needs
to
improvement. Change preposition
apply
However
, it is a problem
with clear solution
should the Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
government
and the entrepreneur be willing to try them.Submitted by jeebjib14 on
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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors.
cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically. Transitions between ideas could be smoother.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The example about Canada's tax policy is a good start but needs more detail.
task response
Your essay addresses both problems and solutions related to the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well, framing the issue and summarizing the ideas presented.
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