IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 spend their free time with a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, new
business
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been opened a lot
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a minimum wage
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the populations
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populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 and gyms member fee is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main
problem
Use synonyms
associate
Replace the word
associated
show examples
 with
point
Add an article
a point
the point
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be improved by the
government
Use synonyms
 and the entrepreneur. On the one hand,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certainly, many workers have a new normal
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, they usually use their free time with electronic tools,
relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 at home and
declines
Correct subject-verb agreement
decline
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 because they need to reduce
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of daily life and adapt
into
Change preposition
to
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situation
Add an article
the situation
a situation
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 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. It seems like an insignificant change of
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 but it has been affected by the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
. So, the
government
Use synonyms
 should
be decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 the personal income tax,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
 will
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
help
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 save
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Canada
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Canada
Replace the word
Canadian
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 has a policy to reduce
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 every year that why their citizen has a lot of money and can
be spend
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their money
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 outdoor
activity
Replace the word
activities
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of gym
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 gradually
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 was adjusted, that
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 to impact
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 profit of many gyms.
For Instance
Linking Words
, in a few years, many fitness in Thailand were closed after the member
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 slightly
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 and they could not have
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 disburse all the
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, it will can
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
 after the
people
Use synonyms
 have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to
purchasing
Replace the word
purchase
show examples
.
Company
Add an article
The company
A company
show examples
 should have a campaign
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 and discount
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they need to make a marketing for promote when
people
Use synonyms
 have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
attention they will become to a membership.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 to new normal life but it impacts to gym
business
Use synonyms
. It is a significant
problem
Use synonyms
 and
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improvement.
However
Linking Words
, it is a
problem
Use synonyms
 with clear
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 should the
government
Use synonyms
 and the entrepreneur be willing to try them.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors.
cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically. Transitions between ideas could be smoother.
examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The example about Canada's tax policy is a good start but needs more detail.
task response
Your essay addresses both problems and solutions related to the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well, framing the issue and summarizing the ideas presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical inactivity
  • health problems
  • weight gain
  • obesity
  • energy levels
  • chronic illnesses
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • focus
  • social isolation
  • exercise
  • physical fitness
  • active lifestyle
  • health benefits
  • physical health
  • mental well-being
  • leisure activities
  • regular physical activity
  • physical exercise
  • cardiovascular health
  • strength training
  • flexibility
  • endurance
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