You work in a busy but poorly organised office and you are keen to be promoted. Your employer needs to find a new supervisor for your department. Write a letter to your employer. In the letter: - ask to be considered for this job - explain why you would be a suitable candidate - outline the current problems and the changes you would like to make You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.

#work #office #employer #supervisor #department #job #candidate #outline #changes #addresses

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Dear Mr Smith, I am writing to promote myself for a new supervisor position in our advertising company as you are looking for one who can help you reorganise our office. I feel I have the required qualifications.

Firstly

Linking Words

, I graduated from the University of Languages, where I mastered two foreign languages English and Chinese.

Secondly

Linking Words

, I have had 10 years of experience in organisation in 3 big companies.

Also

Linking Words

, I have worked here for 5 years which I figure is enough time for me to deeply understand how our office operates. To be more specific, I realize that there have been some issues surviving in our company including human resources, management and partners. If I am a supervisor, it is vital to cut down the number of staff. It is because some positions seem to be redundant that halt our progress. The second change I will make is to oppose new regulations so that everyone can focus more on work to produce better products.

Lastly

Linking Words

, it is essential to change the print partner because our current partner is not required enough. Should you be interested in my qualifications and experience as a supervisor, please do not hesitate to contact me. I look forward to hearing from you! Yours sincerely!

Submitted by bichngoc.ngochoa on Fri Jun 14 2024

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task achievement

You have effectively outlined your qualifications and the changes you would implement. However, you could further strengthen your letter by providing more specific examples or evidence of your achievements in previous roles.

coherence and cohesion

While your letter is easy to follow, consider breaking down the paragraph where you describe the current problems and proposed changes into separate paragraphs for each issue. This will enhance clarity and readability.

greeting and closing

Your letter has a clear and polite greeting and closing, which is essential for professional correspondence.

logical structure

You have a logical structure and you address the key points (qualifications, suitability, and proposed changes) systematically.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

210 words

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