IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the managef of the nearest private sports club. In your letter ● introduce yourself ● say why you are interested in this sports club ● ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities, members, costs

#course #college #sports #facilities #managef #club #questions #e #g #members #costs
Dear Sir or Madam, Assalamu alaykum
Letter
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The letter
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 mean is
about
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that
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, I joined
to
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apply
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the college
for teaching
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to teach
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the
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apply
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kids, but they don't have
things
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the things
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 which I need. I am writing situation
from
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in
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 which
i
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I
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 hate to
this
 my dissatisfaction
at
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with
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 the job I received. My name is Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat Sukhrob's son. I am
teenager
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a teenager
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 right now. I have a three years
experiense
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experience
 with a degree. That's why I think I am the most suitable candidate for
this
 job. The
firts
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first
 thing I would like to draw your attention to, I practising
in
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apply
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myself
to
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apply
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this
sport
 since
I
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my
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 childhood. But it depended on your own, I mean if
your
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you
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hard
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had hard
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 training in
your self
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yourself
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, you being professional like me.
Finally
, I
grow
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grew
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 up with
sport
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sports
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. I look forward to speaking with you about
conditions
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the conditions
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your
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of your
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sport
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sports
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shop
. At the moment, I work in college, that's why I need
to
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apply
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some
intsruments
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instruments
for
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to
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 giving knowledge about
sport
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the sport
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. Why
I
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did I
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choose your
shop
?
Firstly
 your
shop
 is one of the
cheap at half the price
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cheapest half-price
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Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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shop
 in our town.
Secondly
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Secondly,
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 I like the
facilitie
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facilities
facility
,
this
 side
have
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has
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a
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an
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 in your
shop
 and your
shop
 is one of the modern and new
shop
Change to a plural noun
shops
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 in the town.
At
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In
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 the
end
Add a comma
end,
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 members
is
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are
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 too
kindly
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kind
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 and
friendship
Replace the word
friendly
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. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully, Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat Sukhrob's son
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear, logical structure, making it hard to follow. Try to organize your ideas into separate, coherent paragraphs.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that make the letter difficult to understand. Proofread your writing to correct these errors.
task achievement
Your letter should be more formal in tone, considering you are writing to a manager of a sports club. Phrases like 'I hate to this my dissatisfaction' are too informal and vague.
task achievement
It's important to be more specific and clear when asking questions about the sports club. Make a list of the facilities you are interested in and ask precise questions about membership costs.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and show politeness.
task achievement
You have shown effort in explaining your background and interest in sports, which adds a personal touch to the letter.
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