IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have just started a course in a college which has no sports facilities of its own. Write a letter to the managef of the nearest private sports club. In your letter ● introduce yourself ● say why you are interested in this sports club ● ask some questions about the club e.g. facilities, members, costs

#course #college #sports #facilities #managef #club #questions #e #g #members #costs
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Dear Sir or Madam, Assalamu alaykum
Letter
Correct article usage
The letter
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 mean is
about
Change preposition
that
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, I joined
to
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apply
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the college
for teaching
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to teach
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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kids, but they don't have
things
Correct article usage
the things
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 which I need. I am writing situation
from
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in
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 which
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 hate to
this
Linking Words
 my dissatisfaction
at
Change preposition
with
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 the job I received. My name is Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat Sukhrob's son. I am
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
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 right now. I have a three years
experiense
Correct your spelling
experience
 with a degree. That's why I think I am the most suitable candidate for
this
Linking Words
 job. The
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 thing I would like to draw your attention to, I practising
in
Change preposition
apply
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myself
to
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apply
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this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
 since
I
Correct pronoun usage
my
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 childhood. But it depended on your own, I mean if
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
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hard
Add a missing verb
had hard
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 training in
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
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, you being professional like me.
Finally
Linking Words
, I
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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 up with
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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. I look forward to speaking with you about
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
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your
Change preposition
of your
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Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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shop
Use synonyms
. At the moment, I work in college, that's why I need
to
Change preposition
apply
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some
intsruments
Correct your spelling
instruments
for
Change preposition
to
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 giving knowledge about
Use synonyms
sport
Add an article
the sport
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. Why
I
Add a missing verb
did I
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choose your
shop
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?
Firstly
Linking Words
 your
shop
Use synonyms
 is one of the
cheap at half the price
Replace the word
cheapest half-price
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Fix the agreement mistake
shops
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shop
Use synonyms
 in our town.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 I like the
facilitie
Correct your spelling
facilities
facility
,
this
Linking Words
 side
have
Change the verb form
has
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a
Change the article
an
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 in your
shop
Use synonyms
 and your
shop
Use synonyms
 is one of the modern and new
Use synonyms
shop
Change to a plural noun
shops
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 in the town.
Linking Words
At
Change preposition
In
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 the
end
Add a comma
end,
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 members
is
Change the verb form
are
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 too
kindly
Change the word
kind
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 and
friendship
Replace the word
friendly
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. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully, Xudoyberdiyev Ibrat Sukhrob's son
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear, logical structure, making it hard to follow. Try to organize your ideas into separate, coherent paragraphs.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and lexical inaccuracies that make the letter difficult to understand. Proofread your writing to correct these errors.
task achievement
Your letter should be more formal in tone, considering you are writing to a manager of a sports club. Phrases like 'I hate to this my dissatisfaction' are too informal and vague.
task achievement
It's important to be more specific and clear when asking questions about the sports club. Make a list of the facilities you are interested in and ask precise questions about membership costs.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and show politeness.
task achievement
You have shown effort in explaining your background and interest in sports, which adds a personal touch to the letter.
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