IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
People have different views as to whether individuals should be required to do vocational
traninng
Correct your spelling
training
due to
 a lack of employees like electricians and plumbers. In my opinion, despite there are several advantages of doing vocational
education
, I firmly believe that pursuing
academeic
Correct your spelling
academic
 study brings about many more benefits. On the one hand, there are three main reasons why more individuals should learn vocational subjects. One of the major
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 is that it can reduce
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 unemployment rate of the nation since the demand for skilled
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 in the job market is increasingly in need of vocational skills
such
 as electrical and plumbing. Another factor to consider is its tuition fees. To be more illustrated, studying vocational training requires a significantly low amount of money compared to university
education
,
as a result
, educators would not carry the burden of tuition debt.
Lastly
, it causes
well-balanced
Correct article usage
a well-balanced
show examples
 workforce in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
, in the community, it is essential to have both academically and vocationally trained in order to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 progress of the country.
Nevertheless
, deciding to
puruse
Correct your spelling
pursue
 academic study at the university provides two positive aspects for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Firstly
, as there is a shortage of scientists in the job market, enrolling in subjects
such
 as science and math would allow them to research more about germs and diseases. In doing so, new medications and vaccines would
be occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
show examples
, which
saves
Wrong verb form
would save
show examples
 countless
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
, it creates a better life for all of humankind.
For instance
, going to college for academic
education
 leads to advanced technologies
such
 as autonomous cars and genetic
engineer
Replace the word
engineering
show examples
, which makes our lives more convenient. In conclusion,
although
 there are various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pros towards vocational
education
, I am convinced that doing academic study is more important.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide specific examples and elaboration supporting main points, especially when arguing for the societal benefits of academic education.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling and grammar, e.g., 'transformation' should be 'transformation' and 'academic' instead of 'academeic'.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen transitions between points to improve logical flow and coherence; for example, sentences like 'another factor...' and 'lastly...' may need more fluid connectors.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they clearly and succinctly restate your argument for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view, which shows thorough consideration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is logical with clear paragraphs, contributing to easy readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vocational training
  • skilled labor
  • practical skills
  • job market
  • economic benefits
  • unemployment rates
  • job-ready
  • educational debt
  • societal stigma
  • balanced workforce
  • career satisfaction
  • technical trades
  • university education
  • employment opportunities
  • hands-on experience
What to do next:
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