Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as TV, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, in
child
development, there are few notions. Some of them is
based on the importance of external factors like TV and friends; Change the verb form
are
However
, others believe that family has a crucial role
in children
Change noun form
children's
growth
. I heartfully believe that family has a highlighted role
in kids
world, and the reasons for both views will be discussed below.
On the one hand, some people believe that Change noun form
kids'
kid's
child
development has been woven with social media and social interactions. Based on this
notion, these social factors, have an eminent role
in kids’ growth
and training. By getting involved in these worlds, a juvenile could achieve imperative requirements for interacting with versatile
society. Correct article usage
a versatile
For instance
, children who utilize social media, have better skills in managing their school chores via
finding the best solutions for their home Change preposition
by
works
through the Correct subject-verb agreement
work
internet
.
Capitalize word
Internet
On the other hand
, another group of people, think that in juvenile’s
Correct article usage
a juvenile’s
growth
, family plays an astonishing role
. The reason could be related to the richness of family structure in filling up the cultures’ demands. I believe that family, through close interactions and affective space among its members, provides a safe space for trial and error. Specially
, via family, the Rephrase
In particular
child
could achieve trust and other positive attitudes towards the world, others and to
their abilities. Change preposition
apply
For example
, the kids who their
families are supportive, have higher self-esteem and Correct pronoun usage
whose
self- assurance
.
In a nutshell, there are two main notions about juveniles’ development. Some believe that friends and social media play a crucial Correct your spelling
self-assurance
role
in child
growth
; However
, others think that family’s role
is undeniable and is very important.Submitted by aksoysana on
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task achievement
To further enhance your task response, make sure to fully develop each side of the argument with more detailed explanations and multiple examples. Also, ensure that you clearly state your own position in the introduction and refer back to it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, phrases like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'however' can help create better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Sometimes small errors in these areas can affect the overall clarity and sophistication of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
supported main points
Your points discuss both views and include relevant examples which support your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite