Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as TV, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, in
child
Use synonyms
development, there are few notions. Some of them
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
based on the importance of external factors like TV and friends;
However
Linking Words
, others believe that family has a crucial
role
Use synonyms
in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
. I heartfully believe that family has a highlighted
role
Use synonyms
in
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
world, and the reasons for both views will be discussed below. On the one hand, some people believe that
child
Use synonyms
development has been woven with social media and social interactions. Based on
this
Linking Words
notion, these social factors, have an eminent
role
Use synonyms
in kids’
growth
Use synonyms
and training. By getting involved in these worlds, a juvenile could achieve imperative requirements for interacting with
versatile
Correct article usage
a versatile
show examples
society.
For instance
Linking Words
, children who utilize social media, have better skills in managing their school chores
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
finding the best solutions for their home
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another group of people, think that in
juvenile’s
Correct article usage
a juvenile’s
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
, family plays an astonishing
role
Use synonyms
. The reason could be related to the richness of family structure in filling up the cultures’ demands. I believe that family, through close interactions and affective space among its members, provides a safe space for trial and error.
Specially
Rephrase
In particular
show examples
, via family, the
child
Use synonyms
could achieve trust and other positive attitudes towards the world, others and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their abilities.
For example
Linking Words
, the kids
who their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
families are supportive, have higher self-esteem and
self- assurance
Correct your spelling
self-assurance
show examples
. In a nutshell, there are two main notions about juveniles’ development. Some believe that friends and social media play a crucial
role
Use synonyms
in
child
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
;
However
Linking Words
, others think that family’s
role
Use synonyms
is undeniable and is very important.
Submitted by aksoysana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance your task response, make sure to fully develop each side of the argument with more detailed explanations and multiple examples. Also, ensure that you clearly state your own position in the introduction and refer back to it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For instance, phrases like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'however' can help create better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Sometimes small errors in these areas can affect the overall clarity and sophistication of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.
supported main points
Your points discuss both views and include relevant examples which support your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: