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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Success
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 is a key element in many settings including academic schools to achieve higher levels. Some people relate
that
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apply
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academic
success
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 to qualified educators,
while
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 others assert that
success
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 depends on
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students
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students'
student's
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 efforts. I support the view that without the motivation of
students
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,
success
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 will hardly be accomplished. On one hand, to some, teachers play an integral role in guiding
students
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 toward their goals. Their guidance is crucial
due to
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 the fact that they will help
students
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 in using reliable resources without wasting
time
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 searching for the correct information. Educators,
for example
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, can provide the young generations with professional feedback and help them
to
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apply
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put down an effective plan to work on their weaknesses.
In addition
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, if a learner
faced
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faces
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 some obstacles in his self-study
time
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 an experienced mentor can share some
advises
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advice
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 with him.
On the other hand
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, people argue that goals and milestones are difficult to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 if the pupils
did
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do
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 not have a well-planned strategy. The
students
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 can control their studying
time
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 effectively by planning their studies and targeting their educational aims. To cite an example, if tutors are assigned to teach 50 learners, not all of them will reach the same learning levels
due to
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 the fact that each one of them will spend
different
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a different
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 amount of
time
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 preparing and studying.
Moreover
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, various
students
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 have different learning curves,
as well as
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, IQ levels which will determine their academic performance.
To conclude
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,
although
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 the role of teachers is paramount in leading the path of the future generation, we shouldn’t underestimate the endless efforts of
students
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. I strongly believe that pupils contribute significantly to their academic
success
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 by following a certain attitude and
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance transitions between ideas to improve overall flow. Consider using conjunctions and linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points with more detailed and varied examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify complex sentences to ensure that ideas are fully comprehensible. Breaking down some of the longer sentences could improve readability and understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main argument being made.
Task Achievement
Both perspectives of the issue are discussed, showcasing the writer's ability to address the prompt comprehensively.
Task Achievement
The essay acknowledges the critical roles of both teachers and students, providing a balanced view which adds depth to the discussion.
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