IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005, 2008,2010.

The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005, 2008,2010.
#percentage #phone #owners #features #vietnam #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Information pertaining to the proportion of Vietnamese
people
Use synonyms
 who
use
Use synonyms
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 specific features during the period from 2005 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 mobile phones to make calls more than other features in all years.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 calls,
send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
 and
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 text messages and
record
Replace the word
recording
show examples
 audio
decrease
Fix the agreement mistake
decreases
show examples
,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 photos witnessed the opposite trend. Looking at the
further
Linking Words
 details, it is apparent that 100%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 mobile phones to make calls from 2005 to 2008,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 it the most common
function
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure slightly decreased to 97% in 2010. Regarding send & receive text
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
, it started at 82% as
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 common
function
Use synonyms
 in 2005 before witnessing
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 decrease to 73% and 68% in 2008 and 2010 respectively. Moving onto the remaining details, beginning at 65% in 2005, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
 smartphones to take photos slowly increased to 70% in 2008
then
Linking Words
 continued going up to 77%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. With record audio, there were 78%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
this
Linking Words
function
Use synonyms
 in 2005,
this
Linking Words
function
Use synonyms
 was the least popular choice for
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010 at
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
63%.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, use, function with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: