Some people think government should ban dangerous sports; others, however, believe that people should the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,a part of
people
argue that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should prevent
people
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
dangerous
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, another part of them believe
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
is free to do his chosen
sport
.As for me,
people
should not be limited to whatever
sports
they prefer,even the
government
needs to provide some support to them. On the one hand,some
people
suggest the
government
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
prohibit dangerous
sports
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
because they
Add a missing verb
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
children,friends or themselves getting hurt
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
sports
.
They
Add a verb
They are
They were
show examples
afraid of the
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
that the dangerous
sports
may
give
Verb problem
cause
show examples
to them.To be honest,if you are not prepared enough,you may
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be injured in every
sports
Change to a singular noun
sport
show examples
.The definition of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
is very hard to describe.Which
sport
is
dangerous
Add an article
a dangerous
show examples
sport
?Is there any
sport
that is
absolutely safe?That’s why,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should not ban any
sports
because all of the
sports
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential danger.What the
government
should do is to teach residents how to prevent the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
.
On the other hand
,others emphasize the freedom of
people
,we have the right to do whatever we choose.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
must not ban any
sports
.The reasons are as follows.First,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
has his own personal interest,various
people
prefer to do different kinds of
sports
.
And
Correct word choice
People
show examples
people
have talent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
different
sports
,
for example
,Yao Ming can play basketball well
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
due to
his height,and Su Bingtian can run fast
main
Replace the word
mainly
show examples
due to
his strong leg.
Moreover
,every
sports
Change to a singular noun
sport
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
exclusive
Correct word choice
own exclusive
show examples
enjoyment.The various
sports
can
built
Verb problem
make
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
and meaningful.
Last
but not least,more kinds of
sports
will create more opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
People
can find jobs
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
a few can discover their life purpose. In conclusion,the danger of
sports
is relative,every
sports
Change to a singular noun
sport
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
feasible and useful.
People
should try their best to protect themselves,and have the freedom to do whatever
sports
they choose.
Submitted by zhaoruolin220 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure the essay is free from grammatical errors, and make use of varied sentence structures to improve clarity and readability.
content
Expand on examples to provide a stronger justification for the points being made.
cohesion
Add more transitional phrases to enhance the flow and connection between paragraphs.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and well-stated, which provides a good framework for the essay.
content
The essay covers both viewpoints, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
argumentation
Some good reasons and justifications are presented to support your opinions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: