Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss bot the views and give your opinion including relevant examples.
Money
people battling whether it is good to give cash money
as a gift
for a teenager or not. While
giving money
as a gift
will encourage them to learn how to manage their financial
and give them freedom Replace the word
finances
of
choose what to do with the Change preposition
to
money
, others argue that teeanagers
will view Correct your spelling
teenagers
this
as a non-valuable gift
and too material-related. This
essay will discuss both arguments and state my own opinion and examples.
Giving money
as a present for adolescents will be considered as
a financial management teaching method. By giving them cash, unconsciously, young generations will start planning the things they want to do with the Change preposition
apply
money
, for instance
, save them into bank
account, buy toys or many others. Add an article
a bank
the bank
Then
, they will set the priority by counting whether the sum of their money
is enough to buy all their wishlist, this
will helps
them to learn decision-making that will Change the verb form
help
useful
in the future. Add a missing verb
be useful
Lastly
, they will spend the money
on the most important thing for them, which would be more valuable for them.
However
, giving teenagers a
cash Remove the article
apply
money
as a gift
will be considered as
materialism, which is not a great value to teach. Change preposition
apply
This
view influenced
by the thought that Add a missing verb
is influenced
money
is only a short-thinking gift
without sincerity. Furthermore
, the material focused
value will undermine the other fundamental values in life.
In my experience, giving Add a hyphen
material-focused
money
as a gift
for
adolescents is allowed if they have done good things in exchange. Change preposition
to
For instance
, I have
to diligently Wrong verb form
had
doing
chores at home when I was a child so that my parents would Change the verb
do
gave
me extra allowances. Change the verb form
give
This
taugh
me about Correct your spelling
taught
hard-work
to achieve something and to have a better value Correct your spelling
hard work
of
Change preposition
for
money
.
In conclusion, money
may not be an ideal gift
for teenagers. Hence
, if the timing and frequency is
right, teenagers can adopt the precious values out of it.Change the verb form
are
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on
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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, discussing both views and stating an opinion. However, it can be improved by addressing potential counterarguments more clearly.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear but could benefit from further development and specificity. For example, more specific examples or statistical data could be included to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure by making sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some parts of the essay could be better connected to enhance the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion. However, both sections could be more robust. The introduction could introduce the topic in a broader context, and the conclusion could summarize the main points more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples to make your essay more compelling. Examples should illustrate your points clearly and be integrated seamlessly into the argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both viewpoints on the topic and provides a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps structure the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay attempts to provide examples to support its points, which is a positive approach.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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