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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #valley #centre #information #features #comparisons
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the maps illustrate the layout of
Happy
Correct article usage
the Happy
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 Vally shopping complex in 1982 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 changes to the size of the mall
as well as
Linking Words
 the facilities can be observed. In
general
Add a comma
general,
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 the
tranformation
Correct your spelling
transformation
 includes
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the addition of new themed restaurants to the eastside , the removal of the lobby area ,and
repositioning
Correct article usage
the repositioning
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 of some stores.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the lake to the northwest side of the complex was replaced by the newly expanded furniture retail store ,that used to be on the other side of the mall ,and the street leading to the entrance was converted into a new parking lot . the central entertainment area stayed the same
while
Linking Words
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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 store and electronics store were relocated to the
northren
Correct your spelling
northern
 side . the toilets and elevator near the entrance remained unchanged, and now the entire
eastren
Correct your spelling
eastern
 section is designated for food.
Submitted by wd2288402 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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