IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You recently recelved a letter from a friende asking for advise about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get job ● say why he/she would not enjoy going to college ● explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her ● suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her

#friende #college #job #idea
Dear Jack, How is it going? I hope you are healthy and happy. First of all, I am very happy that you asked me for
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
. I would like to tell you that you will never enjoy going to college. You will spend your precious time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 college and no
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 you will waste your money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 clothing and
taxi
Correct article usage
a taxi
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 or something.
Basted
Correct your spelling
Based
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 on my experience I would advise you not to go there. I find that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your age is the best one for working and
this
 idea is the best. You should work you
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 not waste your time. Maybe you might be a
billionair
Correct your spelling
billionaire
. Everything starts
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 your age. You should put the first step and
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a
desigion
Correct your spelling
decision
designation
. I
am promise
Change the verb form
promise
show examples
 that you will earn your first million
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 in a two
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. I would advise you to work in
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 business as a manager. After you
promoted
Add a missing verb
are promoted
show examples
 your opportunities
also
 increase. After one or two
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 you will start your own business. Warm wishes Raxmon
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on why college would not be enjoyable. Offering specific reasons would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammar mistakes such as 'advise' instead of 'advice', 'basted' instead of 'based', 'desigion' instead of 'decision.' These affect the overall quality.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure to make the text flow better. For example, connecting sentences using conjunctions or transitional phrases can improve coherence.
suitable writing tone
Try to maintain a formal tone throughout the letter. Phrases like 'you will never enjoy' could be softened to sound more polite and considerate.
single idea per paragraph
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This can help improve clarity and organization.
task achievement
You provided specific suggestions about the types of jobs that might be suitable, which adds value to your friend's decision-making process.
greeting and closing
You have used appropriate greetings and closings, which gives a friendly and warm tone to your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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