IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You are going to visit New Zealand for an “English and Homestay” program. You have just received details of yours homestay host family. Write your first letter to the family. In your letter • Introduce yourself • Ask the family to get information that is important to you • Tell the family about your arrival date and time

#visit #zealand #“english #homestay” #program #homestay #host #first #information #date #time
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to request information about visiting New Zealand and experiencing the local traditions in your
country
. My name is Ozod and I am
scientist
Correct article usage
a scientist
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therefore
 I have chosen your state.
Until
Change preposition
To
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
 day I
learn
Wrong verb form
have learned
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 plenty of
country’s
Fix the agreement mistake
countries’
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homestay
Fix the agreement mistake
homestays
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,
For
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 Canada, Russia,
Turkish
Correct word choice
and Turkish
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 abbreviation. The main reason is why I am choosing these nations because I adore the nature of
these
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
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country
 and there are plenty of sightseeing places.
Furthermore
, I desire to ask
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 information about your family and their environment because I need some kind of equipment in order to my experience.
For instance
, I need
teacher
Correct article usage
a teacher
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 duo to learn
your
Change preposition
about your
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 life it does not matter how much because I have a lot of money. Exactly I will fly to your
country
at
Change preposition
in
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 the morning. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 I will
arrival
Replace the word
arrive
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to
Change preposition
in
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 your state for seven hours by plane
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because my
country
 is very far from yours. I
desire
Verb problem
hope
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 to you should prepare
bedroom
Correct article usage
a bedroom
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 duo
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 me, since I will,
exhausted
Add a missing verb
be exhausted
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 in
way
Add an article
the way
a way
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. I look forward to receiving a prompt reply. Yours faithfully, Ozod Umarqulov
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea. Combine or split paragraphs to achieve this.
task achievement
Revise sentences for grammar and syntax to improve clarity. For example, you can rephrase 'I need teacher duo to learn your life' to 'I would like a teacher to help me learn about your way of life.'
task achievement
The letter includes a clear introduction, request for information, and mention of arrival date and time, which are essential parts of the task.
coherence cohesion
The closing of your letter ('I look forward to receiving a prompt reply.') is polite and formal, fitting for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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