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Band 5.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
With
health
 problems on the rise
due to
 excess
sugar
 in manufactured foods and drinks, finding easy and effective solutions is crucial for a healthier lifestyle.
While
 some
people
 believe that expensive costs could help consume less
sugar
, I think that there are more effective ways to encourage individuals to lower
sugar
 rather than costly prices. Regarding that matter, I figured out some resolutions.
Firstly
, we must educate the
people
 and illustrate the adverse impacts of high-intensity
sugar
 in food and drink. By doing so, we can raise awareness toward issues, especially in
health
;
therefore
, educating individuals is essential to keep them healthy in these cases.
For instance
, spreading awareness making organizations is one of the best ways to help
people
 understand the importance of
sugar
 levels for
health
.
Besides
 that, the government should restrict the production of unhealthy manufactured foods and drinks.
For example
, the authority can prevent sugary production's threat by debating with companies and finding convenient solutions,
such
 as agreeing with products that contain less sugary nutrition. In conclusion, we must educate our
people
 and demonstrate the truth about sugary products related to
health
 problems. Educating
people
 and collectively working with manufacturers is a noteworthy way to overcome
this
 issue. The government may be a more effective way to encourage society to consume fewer
sugar
 products.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear argument. However, it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your points further. Try to include detailed instances or statistics to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one. Consider using transitional phrases to better connect your ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, and your conclusion nicely ties everything together.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clear, comprehensive ideas that address the prompt well and provide insightful suggestions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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