IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems.You returned the camera and spoke to the company representative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: •introduce yourself •explain the situation •say what action you would like the company to take

#camera #home #company #representative #week #•introduce #•explain #situation #•say #action
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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to
complaint
Replace the word
complain
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 about
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camera
Add an article
the camera
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 to the
company
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. I have recently bought
new
Correct article usage
a new
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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camera
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.When
,
Remove the comma
apply
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I brought it home, the
camera
Use synonyms
 wasn'
t
Use synonyms
 working.I found it had some problems.
Also
Linking Words
,I am
applied
Wrong verb form
applying
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 to the
company
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, My name is Komosh. I am sixteen years old. I am
student
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a student
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.I am interested in photography.
Finally
Linking Words
,I bought a
camera
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,
however
Linking Words
, the
camera
Use synonyms
 didn'
t
Use synonyms
 work, I was so surprised.I can'
t
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 take pictures and it turns off automatically.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 day, I visited your
company
Use synonyms
, I returned it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,I went to the
company
Use synonyms
 and gave my complaint. I talked to
worker
Add an article
the worker
a worker
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, one of your representatives, who assured me that the
camera
Use synonyms
 would be replaced within 48 But,I haven'
t
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 heard from you for three days.When
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 I called her again, but, she told me
wait
Add the particle
to wait
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 a few more days. I want to change the
camera
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.I still believe in your
company
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. Everyone can be wrong. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully. Komosh
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to use appropriate linking words and avoid abrupt transitions. For example, 'Therefore' instead of 'Firstly' in some cases, and ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a single idea. For example, the introduction of yourself and your interest in photography could be placed in the same paragraph.
task achievement
The letter generally addresses all parts of the prompt but could be clearer in some areas. For example, specify the model of the camera and the exact nature of the defect.
task achievement
Maintain a formal tone throughout the letter. Avoid contractions like 'I can't'. Instead, use 'I cannot'.
greeting and closing
Your greeting and closing are appropriately formal and polite.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to explain the situation and provide a detailed account of your actions, which is good for task achievement.
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