Some people say free time activities for children should be organized. Others say that children should be free time to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many people think that leisure
time
exercises for every
child
should be implemented. Others say that
kids
should choose by
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
their selves
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what they do in their extra
time
. I will discuss both ideas that tasks should be organised
as well as
they should select exercises by
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
. For most and foremost
extra
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
curriculars
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
should be organised for every single
child
Therefore
,
kids
are immature and choosing
activities
is difficult for them.
For example
, in the
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
kindergarden
Add a comma
kindergarden,
show examples
there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
various types of
activities
such
as swimming, making tools, doing some sports and so on. That kind of free
time
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity was
show examples
organised by specialists When adults asked to
kids
to choose some extra
activities
children did not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
any idea what to do in their leisure
time
. So organizations like
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergartens
or elementary schools
are provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
extra
Correct word choice
extracurricular
show examples
curricular for children.
On the other hand
, it is important for children to select extra
activities
by
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
. If they choose any kind of activity
according to
their decision they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
be independent in their future life.
For instance
, when
kids
attended
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extra
activities
depending on their talent later they succeed throughout their lives. So doing
activities
according to
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
opinion may bring success in the future.
To conclude
, extra excises should be implemented by government for every
child
.
As well as
,
kids
should attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extra courses by choosing
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Provide more thorough examples and explanations for each point. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use clear and varied sentence structures to improve readability. This will help to express your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction to provide a clearer overview of the essay. Ensure it includes the main points you intend to discuss.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, providing a balanced discussion which is well-developed.
coherence cohesion
There is evidence of logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas are relevant to the topic and address the prompt effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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