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Band 3.5

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the goverment help prevent debt problems and support such people?

#people #money #goverment #debt #support
To prevent debt problems, the
government
 must find a way to help
people
 who struggle with managing their
money
. Unless
people
 learn to manage their
money
, there will always be debt problems. In my opinion, if
people
 learn to manage their
money
, the amount of debtors will decrease,
therefore
 preventing debt problems.
Firstly
, it would be very useful if the
government
 could make a free
money
 managing program to help
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 struggle with managing
money
.
This
 can help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn how to manage their
money
, but it may
also
 be a problem because the
government
 has to spend some
money
 to make
this
 program happen.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the
government
 could
also
 input a
money
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
 lesson in the school curriculum
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that schools would teach their students
money
 management. It can help younger generations to learn how to manage their
money
. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 the disadvantage of
this
 is that schools may have to spend more
money
 to pay their teachers to get them to teach the
money
 managing lessons.
Lastly
, the
government
 should make some punishments for debtors, so that
people
 would be afraid to not pay their debts. A drawback to
this
 is that Some
people
 would not agree to the punishments and there might be a lot of protestors.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider adding a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay and offers a final thought.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on your ideas with more detail and clear explanations to enhance comprehensiveness.
complete response
The essay addresses multiple strategies the government can implement to help people manage their money.
logical structure
The essay is logically organized with paragraphs addressing different points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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