IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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In
this
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 essay, I want to argue about
health
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services
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 especially private and costly ones. In the beginning,
health
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 is necessary for
individuals
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. To provide
health
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, we have to take care of our
health
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. The best way to maintain it is the
health
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services
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.
However
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, those institutions do not
a
Add a missing verb
have a
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balanced scale
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means, the institutions that you have to get are flexible because of your income. Especially in capitalist states, citizens can get more
services
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 with more
money
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. The advantages of private
health
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 care are remarkable and striking. On the one hand, the freedom of getting
services
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 with their
money
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 should be protected.
On the other hand
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, people can provide private
services
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 even with their low income
due to
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insurance
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.
Firstly
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, We are living in a modern and liberal world. So, people have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
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 of choice to spend their
money
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. Basic
health
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services
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 must provided by
health
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 institutions and governments regardless of the citizens' income or conditions.
Besides
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this
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,
individuals
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 who have enough
money
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 to get better
hospice
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hospices
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should take advantage of the better clinics.
Secondly
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, one of the benefits of the modern world is
insurance
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.
Due to
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insurance
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,
individuals
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 can use better clinics without paying huge amounts of
money
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.
Insurance
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 and other systems are making an equalisation between rich and middle-income persons.
As a result
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,
Health
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services
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 are a basic necessity.
However
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, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary
individuals
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.
However
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, as it said, the advantages of private
health
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 care outweigh its disadvantages.

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task achievement
The essay touches on the key points but lacks depth in addressing the advantages and disadvantages of private health care. Consider elaborating on these points with more specific examples and clear comparisons.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, and there are minor grammatical errors that affect the flow. Try refining your sentences for better clarity and enhancing your logical structure by using paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly introduce your main points in the introduction and succinctly summarize them in the conclusion. This will provide better cohesion and clarity to your essay.
task achievement
The essay topic is addressed and there is a clear attempt to balance both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a visible introduction, body, and conclusion structure, which helps the reader follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
What to do next:
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