A country's future depend on its young people. Therefore, it is often argued that government should invest heavily in its youth. Do you agree or disagree?
Countries should spend a lot of time developing their youth. because
,
there are the Remove the comma
apply
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
future
. I agree with spending on our young people. Because,
they are going to be our Remove the comma
apply
future
leaders and employees.
It is true that young people are our future
, for two main reasons. Firstly
, when they grow up they are going to develop the country
, by creating international companies or becoming athletes, and play
with the Wrong verb form
playing
country
's national team. Secondly
, they are the future
country
leaders, so we should improve their skills
while
they are growing. For example
, the owner of Tesla Elon Musk, once said
a story about the way his Verb problem
told
country
had improved his skills
, and if his country
did not help him no one was going to know him now
Investing in our young people must be in the right way and on the individuals who deserve that. That can be done by building some new schools, which contain a lot of facilities that can help their improvement operation, like swimming pools and labs. developing the youth not only by schools and learning stuff,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
we should improve parents dealing with kids skills
. for instance
, doctor Odai who is a famous family medicine doctor, said that improving parents
dealing Change noun form
parents'
skills
can change the way kids think, which can decrease the percentage of crimes.
In conclusion, improving our youth by investing in them, is going to make them more useful in the future
. Also
, we are getting a lot of benefits from them .Submitted by khalidashgar23 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and includes relevant examples, which is good. However, make sure to fully develop your ideas and explain the significance of each example in more depth. For instance, elaborate more on how investing in youth can lead directly to national development.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using more linking words and phrases, such as 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Consequently,' can help to make your writing more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and sentence structures. For example, 'Countries should spend a lot of time developing their youth, because they are the future of the country' is a more accurate sentence. Correcting these minor issues can make your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is present but can be more impactful. Summarize your points briefly and restate your position more assertively. A strong conclusion reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like Elon Musk and Doctor Odai, strengthens your argument and makes it more relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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