Q. Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

Over the
last
few years,
variourum
Correct your spelling
various
variorum
people utilising their available
tame
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
TV
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
their
Add a missing verb
has their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
become sedentary lifestyle
also
they become estranged.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
spending leisure
time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
some beneficial programs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
wholesome. I strongly agree that it causes detrimental impacts on our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
and well-being.
This
essay will discuss my views with supporting
proofs
Fix the agreement mistake
proof
show examples
. On the one hand, television
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
of the best ways to spend leisure
time
.
In other words
, it is affordable that everyone can acquire it to watch divergent
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
of
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
without wasting their money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other leisure
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
such
as shopping.
In addition
, there are many educational programs on TV by
witch
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
our knowledge would be escalated,
also
we can expand our
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
by watching
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
, international films and
chanels
Correct your spelling
channels
from other countries.
For instance
, news
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
us up to
dated
Change the form of the verb
date
show examples
with news from all continents.
On the other hand
, a lot of people are taking advantage of
this
inventation
Correct your spelling
invention
invitation
by wasting their
time
media without being involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
society and
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
.
For example
, most of the
chldren
Correct your spelling
children
after school spend their valuable
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching cartoons without showing
interes
Correct your spelling
interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
education.
In addition
, on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television plenty of
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
films that
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
children disobedient.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
children can become
phsycho
Correct your spelling
psycho
and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
control
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
To conclude
,
although
I believe that TV has brought many beneficial values to our lives, the negative impacts outweigh the benefits. People should understand the importance of
time
and should learn to manage effectively which would benefit them
as well as
society
Submitted by modermodee7 on

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grammar
Revise spelling and grammar: There are several spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'variourum' should be 'various', 'tame' should be 'time', 'witch' should be 'which', and 'phsycho' should be 'psychotic'.
examples
Use more specific and detailed examples: Your essay could be stronger with more specific and relevant examples that illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific educational programs or channels that benefit viewers.
coherence
Enhance topic sentences: Improve the clarity of your topic sentences to ensure they clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph.
clarity
Clear stance: The essay clearly states a strong agreement with the idea that television can have detrimental effects, providing a solid foundation for the argument.
balance
Balanced view: The essay acknowledges the potential benefits of television, showing an attempt to provide a balanced perspective.
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