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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
Over the
last
 few years, variorum people utilising their available
time
 to watch TV
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has their lives
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 sedentary
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
also
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become estranged.
However
, spending leisure
time
 watching some beneficial programs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 wholesome. I strongly agree that it causes detrimental impacts on our minds and well-being.
This
 essay will discuss my views with supporting proof. On the one hand, television is one of the best ways to spend leisure
time
.
In other words
, it is affordable that everyone can acquire
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to watch divergent sorts of programs without wasting their money on other leisure activities
such
 as shopping.
In addition
, there are many educational programs on TV by which our knowledge would be escalated,
also
 we can expand our horizons by watching the news, international films and channels from other countries.
For instance
, news keeps us up to date with news from all continents.
On the other hand
, a lot of people are taking advantage of
this
 invention by wasting their
time
 media without being involved in society and the world.
For example
, most of the children after school spend their valuable
time
 watching cartoons without showing interest in education.
In addition
, on television plenty of aggressive films that make children disobedient.
As a result
, children can become psycho and cannot control themselves.
To conclude
,
although
 I believe that TV has brought many beneficial values to our lives, the negative impacts outweigh the benefits. People should understand the importance of
time
 and should learn to manage effectively which would benefit them
as well as
 society
Submitted by modermodee7 on

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task achievement
Ensure to develop ideas thoroughly with more specific examples and data. This enhances the depth of your essay and makes your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases and linking words more effectively to create a smoother flow between your points. This not only makes your argument clearer but also enhances the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph centers around a single main idea, and avoid drifting into multiple points in one paragraph. This will make your essay clearer and more organized.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the tone for the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow.
complete response
You effectively highlighted both the positive and negative aspects of watching television, showing a balanced perspective.
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