IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You have just started a course in college which has no sports facilities of it's own.Write a letter to the manager of the nearest private sports club.In your letter •introduce yourself •say why you are interested in this sports club •ask some question about the club e.g. facilities, members,costs

#course #college #sports #facilities #manager #club #•introduce #•say #•ask #e #g #members #costs
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to apply for the assistant manager in your private
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
.I started coming to
this
 college on Friday 20th March for a
course
 and I needed a private sports
club
.Because of the
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 where I started the
course
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
private
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club
.I hope you will look into
this
 letter. I really liked your private sports
club
, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it is very nice and has all the facilities.The friendly people here got my attention.That's why I really liked your private sports
club
. I would like you to answer some of my questions.Do you have enough equipment and what is the cost
af
Correct your spelling
of
 a one-month
course
.What are the
course
 times
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I look forward
hearing
Change preposition
to hearing
show examples
 from you soon. Yours faithfully Xudoyberdiyeva Sevinch
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
You should mention clearly that you are a new student and looking for sports facilities because the college lacks them. This will help in achieving a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and professionalism. For example, the phrase "Because of the collage where I started the course has not a private sport club" can be improved to "because my college does not have sports facilities."
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down some longer sentences into shorter ones. For example, instead of "I started coming to this college on Friday 20th March for a course and I needed a private sports club," you could say, "I recently started a course at this college on March 20th. As the college lacks sports facilities, I am interested in joining your club."
greeting and closing
You included a proper greeting and closing, which adds to the formal tone of the letter.
task achievement
You expressed clear interest in the sports club and the reasons why it appeals to you, which is great for task achievement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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