A country's future depend on its young people. Therefore, it is often argued that government should invest heavily in its youth. Do you agree or disagree?

Countries should spend a lot of time developing their youth. because
,
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apply
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there are the
countries
Change noun form
country's
countries'
show examples
future
. I agree with spending on our young people. Because
,
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they are going to be our
future
leaders and employees. It is true that young people are our
future
, for two main reasons.
Firstly
, when they grow up they are going to develop the
country
, by creating international companies or becoming athletes, and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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with the
country
's national team.
Secondly
, they are the
future
country
leaders, so we should improve their
skills
while
they are growing.
For example
, the owner of Tesla Elon Musk, once
said
Verb problem
told
show examples
a story about the way his
country
had improved his
skills
, and if his
country
did not help him no one was going to know him now Investing in our young people must be in the right way and on the individuals who deserve that. That can be done by building some new schools, which contain a lot of facilities that can help their improvement operation, like swimming pools and labs. developing the youth not only by schools and learning stuff
,
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but
also
we should improve parents dealing with kids
skills
.
for instance
, doctor Odai who is a famous family medicine doctor, said that improving
parents
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parents'
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dealing
skills
can change the way kids think, which can decrease the percentage of crimes. In conclusion, improving our youth by investing in them, is going to make them more useful in the
future
.
Also
, we are getting a lot of benefits from them .
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the introduction by providing a clearer and smoother lead into your thesis statement. Avoid redundant phrases and aim for clear, concise language.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow by using appropriate linking words and phrases throughout your essay. This will help connect your ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
Ensure that examples and reasons are fully developed and directly related to the main points you are arguing.
task achievement
Avoid small grammatical errors and focus on aspects like sentence structure and punctuation to improve readability and clarity.
task achievement
The essay offers clear reasons why investing in youth is important, with examples from real-life figures.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a defined structure including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
Points are supported with specific examples, strengthening your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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