Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many people's belief, there is an inclined preference that securing a good job can
be accomplish
Change the verb form
be accomplished

It appears that the form of the verb accomplish does not work with be in this sentence.

show examples
by completing a
degree
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
educational
Add an article
the educational
an educational

The noun phrase educational institution seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
institution.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, others think that the only way to guarantee it is by starting to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

after school.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I agree that getting a college
degree
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will likely increase
chances
Correct article usage
the chances

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
of getting a desired job. By completing
college
Add an article
a college

The noun phrase college degree seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
degree
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in the first place, individuals can be more guaranteed to get a
well
Change the adverb
good

It appears that the adverb well is attempting to modify the noun work. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

show examples
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, huge industries majorly are
fulfilled
Verb problem
filled

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
with
bachelors
Change noun form
bachelor's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
and
masters
Change noun form
master's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees

It seems that degree may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. They often provide several benefits and
developements
Correct your spelling
developments

If you don’t want developements to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

that may cultivate their employees. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
this

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
,
academic
Correct article usage
an academic

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
degree
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

comes with a big tuition over time and a long runway to achieve it, making those who have less amount of money and time
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
hardly
to
Correct word choice
able to

There may be an adjective issue here.

show examples
get it.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, high schoolers who directly
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation

The word graduate doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
will reduce
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
waste of time
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
gain a broader experience.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may have many opportunities to combine both their practical and academic skills as
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
fresh start
Add a hyphen
fresh-start

It seems that fresh start is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
high school graduates. Nowadays, companies
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

look for individuals who are ready to dive deep into the world of
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
making
Verb problem
giving

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
the
Correct your spelling
them

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
chance to
reassure
Verb problem
secure

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
jobs. Yet, whether it is beneficial for some people, there are some who are likely unpleasant with their current
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a good start for them. Taking everything into consideration, I believe that completing university materials and getting a
degree
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will likely
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance

If you don’t want enchance to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

the chance to get a good job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand more on your main arguments, providing more detailed reasoning or examples to strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas for a more cohesive essay. Use connecting phrases and logical progression.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify some points further to enhance the depth of the response, especially in contrasting the two views.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the prompt, showing an understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates the opinion effectively, reinforcing your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • critical thinking skills
  • specialized expertise
  • on-the-job training
  • work experience
  • financial independence
  • career growth
  • hands-on experience
  • balanced perspective
  • internships
  • part-time work
  • academic learning
  • vocational training
  • apprenticeships
  • personal circumstances
  • financial constraints
  • career goals
  • individual aptitudes
  • well-paying careers
  • satisfying careers
  • specialized training
What to do next:
Look at other essays: