IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness, and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
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Nowadays, people are judged based on their social status and material possessions. It seems like core values
such
 as honour, kindness, and trust are no longer important to human life. I cannot fully agree with
this
 statement. Yes, these days a person is respected based on his financial success;
however
, we should definitely give importance to his other key traits. On one hand, the world has become competitive in all areas including education, work, personal life, etc. Everyone wants to compare them with others to evaluate their personal success.
Therefore
, a rich person is respected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society irrespective of the fact
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how that individual attained richness.
For example
, if we take the case of
Ambani
Correct article usage
the Ambani
show examples
 family in India, they celebrated their family wedding by inviting all the famous,
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
, and wealthiest people because they want to showcase their money to the world.
Submitted by msrinivas7866 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance, but it needs a more developed argument in support of your position. Expand on why core values still hold importance and provide additional examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas are logically connected. Currently, the essay has a somewhat abrupt ending, without a formal conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Using cohesive devices like 'On the one hand' is good, but ensure that they are consistently used to guide the reader through your argument. Provide a brief concluding statement or paragraph to summarize your points.
task achievement
The essay skillfully identifies the central issue and takes a clear stance.
task achievement
There is effective use of an example (Ambani family) to illustrate the point about societal respect tied to wealth.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally easy to follow, thanks to good sentence structure and clear expression.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: