IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Museum and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than show the cultures or artworks or other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Use synonyms
Museum's
Change noun form
Museums
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 play a crucial role in showcasing the
art
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 and
history
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 from the past of the country. There has been an argument that
art
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galleries'
Correct your spelling
galleries
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 and museums must only concentrate on the
culture
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 and
history
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 of local
people
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 than
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other counterparts. I agree
both
Change preposition
with both
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides of
this
Linking Words
 statement, as one can benefit their own nation
to attract
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by attracting
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 tourism and fundamental right for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to know about their
cultures
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 and even the local
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artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should be supported. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I shall elaborate my point of
views
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view
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. The most conspicuous thing about the
art
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 gallery and
museum
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 are they reserve the
art
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 and information from the past that
people
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 can influence by watching.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 the most common factor that these
places
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 are attracted by tourism
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 watch the country's
culture
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 and
history
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.
Although
Linking Words
 they are few local
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artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
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 who can do imaginary work in painting sculptures they need to be given
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to exhibit their work in
Add an article
the gallery
a gallery
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gallery
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galleries
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 and even from other international
art
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 and
culture
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 should be displayed as
people
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 come to know about all the things in one particular place and they enjoy the serenity of
such
Linking Words
 exotic
places
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.
For example
Linking Words
, India which is
diversed
Correct your spelling
diverse
 and known for the beauty of
cultures
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
reserves
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 their clothing, their style, and the war equipment to show their
cultures
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 to different
people
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 so they can collect information and even international collection from different
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artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 can be seen in that
museum
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, It is beneficial for growth in income and
cultures
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 that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
places
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 become globally famous and tourist
attraction
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attractions
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 for the
people
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 they
do
Verb problem
apply
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visit to watch the
art
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 and become famous attraction
places
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 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is a human right to know the
history
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 and
culture
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specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young children, schools and universities should be responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
 children to
such
Linking Words
 informative
places
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 like exhibition archives so children may acquire knowledge.
To conclude
Linking Words
, from the above discussion, I agree with both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of the statement that local
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artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 be prioritized in exhibiting their
art
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 in
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 so
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can get encouragement and international
culture
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 and
history
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be displayed
to
Change preposition
so
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can get knowledge about other counterparts.

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introduction conclusion present
You included an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but make sure your introduction clearly presents your thesis and the main points you'll discuss in the essay. Your conclusion should briefly summarize these points to reinforce your argument.
supported main points
Try to develop each of your main points in more depth, with examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
logical structure
Work on your paragraph structure to improve coherence and flow. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea and supporting sentences that develop that idea.
complete response
Clarify your stance on the topic. It seems like you are trying to agree with both sides, but it makes your position a bit unclear. State clearly whether you agree or disagree with the statement and then provide balanced arguments for your stance.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. There are several instances where awkward phrasing or grammatical errors slightly detract from clarity. Proofreading your work can help catch these.
relevant specific examples
You bring up several relevant points about the importance of museums and art galleries showcasing both local and international works, for reasons such as tourism, education, and cultural preservation.
complete response
The essay covers a range of ideas and mostly stays focused on the topic, which demonstrates a good understanding of the question and task.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which helps to neatly wrap up your essay.
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