IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Museum and art galleries should concentrate on local works rather than show the cultures or artworks or other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#museum #art #galleries #works #show #cultures #artworks #countries
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Museum's
Change noun form
Museums
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 play a crucial role in showcasing the
art
 and
history
 from the past of the country. There has been an argument that
art
galleries'
Correct your spelling
galleries
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 and museums must only concentrate on the
culture
 and
history
 of local
people
 than
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other counterparts. I agree
both
Change preposition
with both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides of
this
 statement, as one can benefit their own nation
to attract
Change preposition
by attracting
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 tourism and fundamental right for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 to know about their
cultures
 and even the local
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should be supported. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I shall elaborate my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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. The most conspicuous thing about the
art
 gallery and
museum
 are they reserve the
art
 and information from the past that
people
 can influence by watching.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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 the most common factor that these
places
 are attracted by tourism
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 watch the country's
culture
 and
history
.
Although
 they are few local
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
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 who can do imaginary work in painting sculptures they need to be given
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to exhibit their work in
Add an article
the gallery
a gallery
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gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
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 and even from other international
art
 and
culture
 should be displayed as
people
 come to know about all the things in one particular place and they enjoy the serenity of
such
 exotic
places
.
For example
, India which is
diversed
Correct your spelling
diverse
 and known for the beauty of
cultures
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
reserves
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 their clothing, their style, and the war equipment to show their
cultures
 to different
people
 so they can collect information and even international collection from different
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 can be seen in that
museum
.
On the other hand
, It is beneficial for growth in income and
cultures
 that
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
places
 become globally famous and tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
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 for the
people
 they
do
Verb problem
apply
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visit to watch the
art
 and become famous attraction
places
 .
Moreover
, it is a human right to know the
history
 and
culture
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young children, schools and universities should be responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
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 children to
such
 informative
places
 like exhibition archives so children may acquire knowledge.
To conclude
, from the above discussion, I agree with both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of the statement that local
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 should
also
 be prioritized in exhibiting their
art
 in
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 so
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 can get encouragement and international
culture
 and
history
 should
also
 be displayed
to
Change preposition
so
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people
 can get knowledge about other counterparts.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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introduction conclusion present
You included an introduction and conclusion, which is good, but make sure your introduction clearly presents your thesis and the main points you'll discuss in the essay. Your conclusion should briefly summarize these points to reinforce your argument.
supported main points
Try to develop each of your main points in more depth, with examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
logical structure
Work on your paragraph structure to improve coherence and flow. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea and supporting sentences that develop that idea.
complete response
Clarify your stance on the topic. It seems like you are trying to agree with both sides, but it makes your position a bit unclear. State clearly whether you agree or disagree with the statement and then provide balanced arguments for your stance.
clear comprehensive ideas
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. There are several instances where awkward phrasing or grammatical errors slightly detract from clarity. Proofreading your work can help catch these.
relevant specific examples
You bring up several relevant points about the importance of museums and art galleries showcasing both local and international works, for reasons such as tourism, education, and cultural preservation.
complete response
The essay covers a range of ideas and mostly stays focused on the topic, which demonstrates a good understanding of the question and task.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, which helps to neatly wrap up your essay.
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