You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words
Some
indivuals
think that non-academic Correct your spelling
individuals
subjects
, like swimming
should be Add the comma(s)
swimming,
canceled
from schools so that Change the spelling
cancelled
children
can concentrate on the main subjects
like math. Also
there a
lot of Add a missing verb
is a
pressure
on youth to succeed academically. I believe that physical education classes
can help students learning
Wrong verb form
learn
operation
.
Putting Fix the agreement mistake
operations
pressure
on young people is not going to help them, instead
of
Change preposition
apply
that
some of them are going to hate learning. Some of them do not want to be a doctor or engineers, maybe they can Correct word choice
apply
success
in another place. Replace the word
succeed
Also
parents should learn how to make their Add a comma
Also,
children
love schools. For instance
, Elon Mask once told
that one of the main reasons that made him hate the school Verb problem
said
is
that his parents were putting a lot of Wrong verb form
was
pressure
on him.
Removing Non-academic subjects
can make school feel boring to some children
, because of two main reasons. Firstly
, there is no fun in studying academic subjects
, so we should keep classes
that can change students
Change noun form
students'
student's
mood
after Fix the agreement mistake
moods
a long math
Correct the article-noun agreement
long math classes
a long math class
classes
. Secondly
, some of them want to be a soccer player ,so by removing soccer classes
they are not going to improve their skills. Add a comma
classes,
For example
, Messi who is one the best players in the world , said that school helped him a lot in learning soccer.
in conclusion, putting pressure
on children
will not improve their academic level. removing subjects
that can help them to change their mode is not a good idea, so we can just reduce the hours of physical subjects
to the students who need more help.Submitted by khalidashgar23 on
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clarity
Ensure clarity in expressing your ideas. The sentence 'I believe that physical education classes can help students learning operation.' is somewhat unclear and could be rephrased for better understanding.
examples
Enhance specificity and relevance of examples. For instance, instead of mentioning 'Elon Musk once told that...', you could provide more specific information or a quote.
development
Ensure all points are fully developed. Some ideas are introduced but not fully explained or supported with evidence. Expanding on these points would boost your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a coherent structure.
task achievement
The essay makes relevant points about the importance of non-academic subjects, offering a balanced perspective on the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite