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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph beow shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph beow shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart below displays the
Use synonyms
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
visitors
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 who travelled
in
Change preposition
to
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 a particular Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
from
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 2010 to 2017.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the total number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting the Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 rose rapidly and stably, especially the part of
tourists
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whom
Change the pronoun
who
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staying
Wrong verb form
stay
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 on
cruise
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ships
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. What’s more, the number of
tourists
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 staying on
cruise
Use synonyms
ships
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 the largest change in
7-years
Correct your spelling
7-year
 periods. From the graph, it’s evident that the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
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account
Wrong verb form
accounted
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 for the largest proportion in 2010,which is three times the
amount
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 of
tourists
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 staying on
cruise
Use synonyms
ships
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, at about 0.75
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 0.25
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 respectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there are nearly 1
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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visitors
Use synonyms
 in
totally
Change the word
total
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.
Then
Linking Words
 in 2017, the total number of
visitors
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 increased remarkably, at approximately 3.5
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millions
Change to singular
million
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. In
particularly
Change the word
particular
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, the
amount
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 of
visitors
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 staying on
cruise
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ships
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 increased dramatically, reaching
at
Change preposition
apply
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2
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millions
Change to singular
million
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, more than the
Use synonyms
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
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whom
Change the pronoun
who
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staying
Wrong verb form
stayed
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 on
Use synonyms
island
Add an article
the island
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, which at only 1.5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, visitors, island, tourists, cruise, ships, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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