some think that young adults should be required to do unpaid work to the people in thier community. Are there drawbacks more than benefits to this requirement.

The is no denying the fact that many
people
think that young adults should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work
as
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
people
in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
community. In
this
Add a comma
assay,
show examples
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
I will analyze the topic from both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
of view, and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, the are a lot of benefits
whene
Correct your spelling
when
work
as
Correct article usage
a voulunteer
show examples
voulunteer
Correct your spelling
volunteer
volunteers
specific
Change the word
specifically
show examples
when
your
Correct your spelling
you're
show examples
young,
such
as feeling good.
In addition
, helping
people
changed
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
many things in our
personalety
Correct your spelling
personality
, for
exampel
Correct your spelling
example
when you help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
age
people
you will be more
kindess
Correct your spelling
kindness
.
Furthermore
,
this
work
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
you
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn the important thing which is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
money is not
everythin
Correct your spelling
everything
everythin'
.
Moreover
,
this
type of
work
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
you
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
think
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
i
Correct your spelling
you
can do
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
people
in
my
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
community,
then
will improve the social skills between you and the
people
in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
.
However
, the young adult
age
most focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
type of
work
because
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
you have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
this
work
easy to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
, sometimes
diffecult
Correct your spelling
difficult
for young adults
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
without
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
because
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
important to have money to help
thier
Correct your spelling
their
family.
Also
, young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
time focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
lessons and
mabey
Correct your spelling
maybe
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the same time they have
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many benefits to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
without
paid
Change the form of the verb
pay
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
age
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
it is a good idea to try to
work
as
Correct article usage
a voulnteer
show examples
voulnteer
Correct your spelling
volunteer
volunteers
.
However
, it is
depaind
Correct your spelling
depend
on the free time they have.
Submitted by modhialarjani1999 on

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coherence cohesion
You should work on making your argument more logically structured. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and expand on it clearly.
grammar vocabulary
Avoid grammatical errors and make sure to refine your spelling, as these mistakes can distract the reader. Use spellcheck tools if necessary.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
You included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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