In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?
While
agriculture has been improved, it is true that in 21th
century some Correct word choice
the 21st
people
still suffer from poverty. In my opinion, there are variety
of possible Add an article
a variety
reason
for Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem.
People
face a range of difficulities
in their Correct your spelling
difficulties
life
including Fix the agreement mistake
lives
hungry
and there are several Replace the word
hunger
reason
for Change to a plural noun
reasons
this
. Firstly
, food price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
is
too expensive so some Correct subject-verb agreement
are
indivuduals
cannot afford Correct your spelling
individuals
this
even their
country is rich Correct word choice
though their
for
agriculture. Especially in some poor countries, local Change preposition
in
people
cannot able to eat their harvest because of imports. Secondly
, governments are taken
taxes Wrong verb form
taking
from imports
Change preposition
on imported
goods
and that make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
price
more expensive. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
Finally
, I believe that main
reason is capitalism and it is not important Correct article usage
the main
neither
how many Verb problem
to know
harvest
can be done Change to a plural noun
harvests
nor
Correct word choice
or
country's
rich soil for agriculture. Correct article usage
the country's
Upper
classes reach every kind of Correct article usage
The upper
vegetables
and some domestic Fix the agreement mistake
vegetable
people
even don't know some exotic vegetables
tastes. Change the noun form
vegetable
For instance
, in Africa, some people
do not know chocolate taste.
It seems to me that we can improve public awareness about poor countries and global charity instutions
can help Correct your spelling
institutions
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
people
. However
, it might have contributed small
percentage Correct article usage
a small
for
Change preposition
to
solution
. Add an article
a solution
the solution
Government
can support Correct article usage
The government
farmers
and can give farmers
some funds. In my country, government
has decreased loan interest for Add an article
the government
farmers
and farmers
have applied for "farmers
loan
" Fix the agreement mistake
loans
on
the bank. It has provided some Change preposition
in
goods
price
decline. Also
, government
should Add an article
the government
do
some Verb problem
make
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
about
export Change preposition
on
goods
. Past experince shohws
Correct your spelling
experience shows
us
Change the pronoun
our
best
way to make Correct article usage
the best
lower
Add an article
the lower
price
is country-made goods
.
In conclusion, people
will continue to face poverty and hungry
because of capitalism but it can Replace the word
hunger
be prevent
if governments set clear rules and charity Change the verb form
be prevented
institution
help domestic Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
people
.Submitted by bkardelenyilmazz on
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language
Ensure consistent use of formal and grammatically correct language throughout the essay. Avoid repetitive or awkward phrases.
clarity
Elaborate more on specific reasons and provide in-depth explanations for each point mentioned. Clearer transitions between ideas will enhance readability.
evidence
Provide more concrete examples and statistics to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and grounded in reality.
conclusion
Revise concluding statements to ensure they succinctly summarize the essay's main arguments while addressing the prompt directly. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
completeness
The essay attempts to address both parts of the prompt effectively, discussing both causes and solutions.
coherence
There is a logical flow in most parts of the essay, contributing to overall coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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