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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

A close relative of yours is having a birthday lunch next week, but you know you will be working -explain the situation and why you particularly want to attend the lunch -specify the dates, times and amount of time off you will need -offer to work late or come in early another time to make up for the time

#close #birthday #lunch #week #-explain #situation #-specify #dates #times #amount #time #-offer #work
Dear Sir or
modam
Correct your spelling
madam
modem
 I am writing to inquire about rest. Because I worked more. I need rest. Because I want to spend my birthday with my family.
Then
 I worked a lot. I have not spent time with my family members for several years. I want to see my family and relatives.They missed me too.They are waiting for me. I told them I would go soon. I need a month off. If you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do not pay that month. Because I will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
work
 that month. I want to go on vacation from the beginning of
this
 June to the beginning of July.
Then
 I promise to go to
work
 on time. I can
also
work
 online if you want. Only two
hours
 a
day
. If I
work
 more than that, I can not rest.
Then
 I will go
work
Change preposition
to work
show examples
. I will
work
 extra time.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 before I worked nine
hours
 a
day
while
 after I
will
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
work
 twelve
hours
 a
day
. Maybe I will
work
 online  two
hours
 a
day
 at home. I look forward to hearing you! Yours faithfully, Zafar Shaynazarov
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The letter needs a more formal and cohesive structure. Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific point clearly and logically connects to the next. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The letter should start with a proper salutation, e.g., 'Dear Sir/Madam,' and close with a proper sign-off phrase like 'Yours faithfully,'.
task achievement
Provide specific dates and times when explaining your need for time off. For example, instead of 'from the beginning of this June to the beginning of July,' specify the actual dates.
task achievement
Instead of repeating that you need rest, focus on why attending the birthday lunch is important to you. This will enhance the task achievement by making your purpose clearer.
task achievement
The writer has attempted to offer a solution by proposing to work extra hours to make up for the time off. This shows a willingness to balance work commitments with personal needs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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