An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
Nowadays more and more
children
are becoming obese. That is
to say, the majority of kids are suffering from heart problems which stem from being overweight. This
can bring about serious issues in the future regarding their overall
health and also
healthcare expenditure. In this
essay
I will address the reasons behind Add a comma
essay,
high
number of overweight Change the article
a high
the high
children
and also
I will mention some solutions to remove the existing problem .
One of the main reasons behind obesity is extreme
use of fast Add an article
the extreme
food
. Today, kids prefer eating fast food
more than home made
meals. It is because fast Correct your spelling
homemade
food
is usually easy to prepare and it is mouthwatering . However
, fast food
contains high calories and it is absolutely unhealthy. No
only does fast Correct your spelling
Not
food
make children
obese, but also
puts them in
high risk of serious diseases Change preposition
at
such
as diabetes, high blood suger
and cholesterol. Mostly, the ingredients for preparing fast Correct your spelling
sugar
food
include oily doughs
and fatty toppings. Another issue goes back to the cheap price of pizzas, burgers, and sandwiches. It is interesting to note that, you can find a Fix the agreement mistake
dough
food
stall almost every where
selling affordable fast Correct your spelling
everywhere
food
. Take Macdonald as an example. It has branches in all cities and it provides different food
options which all come with reasonable prices.
To deal with the problems, the government can enforce a law to raise taxes on fast food
. This
will lead to more expensive takeaway food
and hence
increase the quality of materials being used. Therefore
, it will be very likely to order a healthy pizza rather than a fatty one including Correct article usage
an enormouse
enormouse
amount of Correct your spelling
enormous
shreded
cheese . Yet, another effective solution is to educate Correct your spelling
shredded
people
and revise eating
habits.generally speaking, In Correct pronoun usage
their eating
this
machinery life people
tend to have a sedentary lifestyle. Little, do people
spend time exercising or trying to get fit. Families should make people
aware about
leading an active lifestyle. If Change preposition
of
children
are encouraged to stay healthy, they will avoid eating fast food
and hence
they will pay attention to their wellbeing.
In conclusion, fast food
seems to capture all children
's heart
because of Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
being
delicious and inexpensive. Wrong verb form
is
However
, by educating the young generation and raising taxes we can change inappropriate lifestyles and have healthier bodies.Submitted by TUTOO on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively and provides a complete response to the question. You clearly identify reasons behind childhood obesity and offer plausible solutions. To enhance this, ensure you delve a bit deeper into each point to make your argument even more convincing.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and generally well-developed. To further improve, consider expanding on each point with additional examples or analyses. Also, ensure any small grammatical errors are corrected for a more polished presentation.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples which significantly support your main points. To further strengthen your responses, provide more nuanced examples or data to back your arguments even more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between paragraphs can be made smoother to ensure better flow. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure the conclusion briefly summarizes the main points discussed. This will help in reinforcing your arguments and leave a lasting impression.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and elaborated. To further improve, make sure every paragraph revolves around one central idea and more seamlessly connects with previous and subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay comprehensively addresses the topic with a clear introduction, main body paragraphs that expand on your main points, and a conclusion that wraps up your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You make effective use of specific examples, such as the reference to McDonald's, which strengthens your argument and provides a real-world context to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps readers clearly follow your arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You support your main points well with relevant details and insights, making your essay persuasive and well-rounded.