An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays more and more

children

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are becoming obese.

That is

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to say, the majority of kids are suffering from heart problems which stem from being overweight.

This

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can bring about serious issues in the future regarding their

overall

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health and

also

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healthcare expenditure. In

this

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essay

Add a comma

essay,

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I will address the reasons behind

high

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a high

the high

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number of overweight

children

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and

also

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I will mention some solutions to remove the existing problem . One of the main reasons behind obesity is

extreme

Add an article

the extreme

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use of fast

food

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. Today, kids prefer eating fast

food

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more than

home made

Correct your spelling

homemade

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meals. It is because fast

food

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is usually easy to prepare and it is mouthwatering .

However

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, fast

food

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contains high calories and it is absolutely unhealthy.

Correct your spelling

Not

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only does fast

food

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make

children

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obese, but

also

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puts them

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show examples

high risk of serious diseases

such

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as diabetes, high blood

suger

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sugar

and cholesterol. Mostly, the ingredients for preparing fast

food

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include oily

doughs

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dough

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and fatty toppings. Another issue goes back to the cheap price of pizzas, burgers, and sandwiches. It is interesting to note that, you can find a

food

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stall almost

every where

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everywhere

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selling affordable fast

food

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. Take Macdonald as an example. It has branches in all cities and it provides different

food

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options which all come with reasonable prices. To deal with the problems, the government can enforce a law to raise taxes on fast

food

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This

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will lead to more expensive takeaway

food

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and

hence

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increase the quality of materials being used.

Therefore

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, it will be very likely to order a healthy pizza rather than a fatty one including

Correct article usage

an enormouse

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enormouse

Correct your spelling

enormous

amount of

shreded

Correct your spelling

shredded

cheese . Yet, another effective solution is to educate

people

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and revise

eating

Correct pronoun usage

their eating

show examples

habits.generally speaking, In

this

Linking Words

machinery life

people

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tend to have a sedentary lifestyle. Little, do

people

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spend time exercising or trying to get fit. Families should make

people

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aware

about

Change preposition

show examples

leading an active lifestyle. If

children

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are encouraged to stay healthy, they will avoid eating fast

food

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and

hence

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they will pay attention to their wellbeing. In conclusion, fast

food

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seems to capture all

children

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heart

Fix the agreement mistake

hearts

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because of

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

delicious and inexpensive.

However

Linking Words

, by educating the young generation and raising taxes we can change inappropriate lifestyles and have healthier bodies.

TUTOOSun Aug 11 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the task effectively and provides a complete response to the question. You clearly identify reasons behind childhood obesity and offer plausible solutions. To enhance this, ensure you delve a bit deeper into each point to make your argument even more convincing.

task achievement

Your ideas are clear and generally well-developed. To further improve, consider expanding on each point with additional examples or analyses. Also, ensure any small grammatical errors are corrected for a more polished presentation.

task achievement

Your essay includes relevant and specific examples which significantly support your main points. To further strengthen your responses, provide more nuanced examples or data to back your arguments even more convincingly.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between paragraphs can be made smoother to ensure better flow. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this.

coherence cohesion

You present a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure the conclusion briefly summarizes the main points discussed. This will help in reinforcing your arguments and leave a lasting impression.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are well-supported and elaborated. To further improve, make sure every paragraph revolves around one central idea and more seamlessly connects with previous and subsequent paragraphs.

task achievement

Your essay comprehensively addresses the topic with a clear introduction, main body paragraphs that expand on your main points, and a conclusion that wraps up your arguments effectively.

task achievement

You make effective use of specific examples, such as the reference to McDonald's, which strengthens your argument and provides a real-world context to your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is generally well-structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps readers clearly follow your arguments throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

You support your main points well with relevant details and insights, making your essay persuasive and well-rounded.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

372 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

many people use distance-learning programs (study materials, the internet, and so on) to study at home, but some think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending school, college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think the news has no connection to people's lives, so then it is a waste of time to read the news in the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree