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Band 4

Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #freedom #mistakes #adults
As I have mentioned previously, in Colombia there are many courses or training which are related to ‘Public Health’.
Nevertheless
, there are no programs with a similar well-structured curriculum without offering core subjects with specializations to learn specific skills. It should be emphasized that the ‘Graduate Diploma
Public
Change preposition
in Public
show examples
 Health’ is balanced among social and
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 factors, economic health characteristics, epidemiology, and health promotion.
Additionally
, they have specializations which appeal to me, especially the content related to ‘Digital Health and Informatics’
as well as
 ‘Health Policy and Advocacy’ because none of them are offered in my native country.
Although
 the Colombian Government is searching
for applying
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to apply
show examples
 some technological and informatics techniques in the healthcare field, there are no programs available which offer the aforementioned content.
On the other hand
,
this
 course lasts one year which fits perfectly with my mid-term goals.
This
 means,
after
Correct word choice
that after
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 a one-year training program at Torrens University, I plan to return to my country to apply for my medical speciality training program in Internal Medicine between October and November in order to start it in 2026.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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structuring
Your essay needs a clearer structure and focus. Make sure to address both sides of the argument about whether children should be allowed to make mistakes or if adults should prevent them. The current content seems unrelated to the topic provided.
task response
Make sure your ideas are fully developed and directly respond to the essay prompt. The examples and points should be directly relevant to discussing children and adults as mentioned in the topic.
content
The essay provides some interesting points about the unique aspects of the 'Graduate Diploma in Public Health' and how it fits with your career goals.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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