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Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
Science
 has played a crucial role in our
lives
.
Science
 has made our
lives
 easier. Some
people
 believe that the purpose of
science
 should be to enhance
people
's
lives
. I support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement to a large extent for some
reasonshowever
Correct your spelling
reasons
,
my
Correct word choice
and my
show examples
 position is argued
further
 with
explanation
Correct article usage
an explanation
show examples
.
Firstly
,
science
 has played a role in enhancing our quality of life. In past,
people
 had many difficulties in finding the way to any destination. It has made our
lives
 easier.
For instance
, now
people
 use GPS to find a way and can easily reach to destination by following GPS.
Secondly
,
science
 has worked a lot in the eradication of
diseases
. They have found many treatments for
diseases
therefore
, there are fewer
diseases
.
For example
, scientists have invented vaccination
therefore
,
people
 are vaccinated before the disease.
Thirdly
,
science
 has made a lot of medical discoveries. Like, advanced types of machinery and instruments for the treatment of
people
. For illustration, ECG, ultrasound etc can be done by machinery easily and disease can be found and there are advanced medications for the treatment of the disease. All in all,
science
 has played a greater role in improving the
lives
 of
people
 like, medical discoveries, eradicating
diseases
, and enhancing our quality of life.
Science
 has made the
lives
 of
people
 much easier.
Submitted by sajeehulzamans on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant ideas and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame the essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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