People doing dangerous sports like bungee jumping, scuba-diving should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives for these people. Do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
believe rescue
workers
should not save people
who do dangerous sports
. They should be responsible for thier
own life. I disagree Correct your spelling
their
to
Change preposition
with
this
because the job of the
Correct article usage
apply
rescue
workers
is to rescue
people
who do dangerous sports
.
Firstly
, professional rescue
workers
are trained to handle emergencies. They are well trained that
they can save the Correct word choice
so that
life
of other Fix the agreement mistake
lives
person
and Fix the agreement mistake
people
also
thier
own. They can provide aid without risking Correct your spelling
their
thier
lives. Correct your spelling
their
For example
, rescue
workers
are trained so well that if someone is drowning they dive into water
without thinking and save the Correct article usage
the water
live
of other Replace the word
lives
people
.
Secondly
, people
who do dangerous sports
are dependent on rescue
workers
. They do these sports
because they know that if thier
is any emergency Correct your spelling
there
their
rescue
workers
will save them. To illustrate, people
will do
not do any dangerous Unnecessary verb
apply
sports
of
there are not any Correct your spelling
if
rescue
workers
.
Thirdly
, enforcing strict safety protocols and training for participants can reduce the burden on rescue
workers
, ensuring that the risk
are minimized. Fix the agreement mistake
risks
For instance
, if people
are taught safety protocols and they know that are no risk they will do the sports
withount
hesitating.
In conclusion, without Correct your spelling
without
rescue
workers
Add a comma
workers,
people
are not going to do these dangerous sports
because they are dependent on rescue
workers
. They know that if there will be
Wrong verb form
is
any
emergency Correct determiner usage
an
rescue
workers
will save them beacause
they are Correct your spelling
because
well trained
.Add a hyphen
well-trained
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introduction conclusion
Your introduction briefly states your opinion, but it would benefit from a more clearly articulated thesis statement. Be explicit in stating that you disagree and briefly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
logical structure
While your essay follows a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your points.
supported main points
Make sure your main points are well-developed and directly address the question. Your arguments are good, but you need to provide more specific examples and elaborate on how they support your points.
complete response
Be careful with spelling and grammatical accuracy. Words like 'thier' should be 'their' and 'of there' should be 'if there.' Small errors like these can detract from the overall quality of your writing.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have a clear stance and your argument is logical. It's evident that you have a good understanding of the topic.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.