IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You have bought a new camera but when you got it home you found it had some problems.You returned the camera and spoke the companyrepresentative a week ago but the camera has still not been repaired.Intoduce myself,Explain the situation,Say what action you would like the company to take.

#camera #home #companyrepresentative #week #intoduce #situation #action #company
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to complain about your
company
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 enterprise workers.
Firstly
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, I intoduce myself, my full name is Jo'raqulova Dilnura. I live in Mubarek and your
company
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 has located behind "Nur" market in the Mubarek. A week ago, I bought a new
camera
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 in your
company
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. I found beautiful
camera
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 in your
company
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.
That is
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 why I bought it but
this
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camera
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 did not work when I got home.I found any problemes. Than I was very upset and I called
company
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 service.They said came to our
company
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 and tell what is problem with the
camera
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.I explained problems to to them. Workers said:"We will go for a week. But the
camera
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 has still not been repaired. I panicked becouse l wanted to take pictures of my family. Than I waited two weeks. Furthemore they still have not arrived.I was very nervous and I called
company
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 director. Why your service employers do not work on time. There was no news from them.I asked : they must receive a full refund money. Your sincerely , Jo'raqulova Dilnura
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the structure of your letter. Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs: introduction, explanation of the problem, actions taken, and your request. This will make your letter easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are awkward or confusing. For example, use 'problems' instead of 'problemes' and 'advice' instead of 'advices.'
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are presented logically. The flow of information was a bit choppy. Try to describe the order of events sequentially to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Always conclude your letters with a clear and concise closing statement. This will provide a strong end to your correspondence.
task achievement
You have provided a detailed description of the problem and the actions you have taken. This gives a comprehensive picture to the reader.
task achievement
You were clear about the action you wanted to be taken, in this case, a full refund. This adds to the clarity of your complaint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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