The given two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities with European adults in 1985 and 1995.

The given two pie charts display the results of a survey into the popularity of various leisure activities with European adults in 1985 and 1995.
The pie charts below compare the proportion of different leisure
activities
engaged in by mature people in Europe between 1985 and 1995.
Overall
, it is noticeable that watching TV was the primary activity in both years among
adults
.
Moreover
, we can see that mature individuals in 1985 enjoyed with less more
activities
than in 1995.
To begin
with, in 1985, European
adults
loved watching TV
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
more than other actions spending 32% of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
. The second place was the eating out with the result of 23%,
whereas
people spent just 21 % of their
time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
talking with their friends.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
the survey results illustrated that European
adults
enjoyed talking with family
such
as when dinner
time
and so on which consists just 18% of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
, and the other 6 per cent were other things the
adults
were doing. In 1995, there were
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
much more leisure
activities
which old people loved to do.
Likewise
, watching TV required 30% of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
, which means that it was
also
one of the major actions that
adults
liked. Talking with friends and family
also
existed at that moment consisting of respectively 26% and 7% of
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
time
. The newer activity was playing computer games with 27% which is rare among
adults
.
In addition
, the penultimate activity was eating, on which
adults
spent only 8 per cent of their
time
, significantly lower than before, with older
adults
spending only 2 per cent on other
activities
.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, adults, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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