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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates population share 65 aged and older during the period from 1940 to 2040 in three countries: USA, Sweden and Japan.

The line graph illustrates population share 65 aged and older during the period from 1940 to 2040 in three countries: USA, Sweden and Japan.
#line #population #period #three #countries #usa #sweden #japan
It is important to
notice
Verb problem
note
show examples
 that
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 share in every country will eventually increase in 2040. USA and Sweden
has
Change the verb form
have
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 steadily
rise
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 for the whole period.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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Japan
 was declining from 1940 to 1980, but in due course it
rocket
Wrong verb form
rocketed
show examples
. Since
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1940 the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in Sweden
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 about 7% and it moderately
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
.
This
 indicator achieved around 14% in 1980. After 1980 it slightly dropped, but a little later the growth resumed. Ultimately, in 2040
Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
 proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
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 will reach 25%.
Likewise
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 started with approximately 9% and has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stable growth. At long
last
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will achieve around 23%. Meanwhile,
Japan
 started with
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 position. It was 5% in 1940 and had
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 drop. From 1960 to 1990
Japan
 held a position at approximately 4%.
However
, it has modestly
grow
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 from 1990 to our time.
And based
Correct word choice
Based
show examples
 on
this
, it can be concluded that it will sharply increase In the period from 2030 to 2040. Eventually,
Japan
's proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will
achieve
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 around 26% in 2040
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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