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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph illustrates population share 65 aged and older during the period from 1940 to 2040 in three countries: USA, Sweden and Japan.

The line graph illustrates population share 65 aged and older during the period from 1940 to 2040 in three countries: USA, Sweden and Japan.
#line #population #period #three #countries #usa #sweden #japan
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It is important to
notice
Verb problem
note
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 that
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 share in every country will eventually increase in 2040. USA and Sweden
has
Change the verb form
have
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 steadily
rise
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 for the whole period.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 was declining from 1940 to 1980, but in due course it
rocket
Wrong verb form
rocketed
show examples
. Since
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1940 the percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in Sweden
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 about 7% and it moderately
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 indicator achieved around 14% in 1980. After 1980 it slightly dropped, but a little later the growth resumed. Ultimately, in 2040
Sweden
Change noun form
Sweden's
show examples
 proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 will reach 25%.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 started with approximately 9% and has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stable growth. At long
last
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 will achieve around 23%. Meanwhile,
Japan
Use synonyms
 started with
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 position. It was 5% in 1940 and had
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 drop. From 1960 to 1990
Japan
Use synonyms
 held a position at approximately 4%.
However
Linking Words
, it has modestly
grow
Change the verb form
grown
show examples
 from 1990 to our time.
And based
Correct word choice
Based
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 on
this
Linking Words
, it can be concluded that it will sharply increase In the period from 2030 to 2040. Eventually,
Japan
Use synonyms
's proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 will
achieve
Verb problem
reach
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 around 26% in 2040
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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