IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese Yen from 1953 to 1973.

The graph below shows the average monthly salary and the prices of black and white and colour TV in Japanese Yen from 1953 to 1973.
#salary #prices #colour #tv #japanese #yen
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph displays the mean monthly salary and how much it cost to buy a black and white and a coloured
TV
Use synonyms
 in Japanese currency between 1953 and 1973.
Overall
Linking Words
, the average monthly salary increased gradually during the recorded period.
While
Linking Words
 the
prices
Use synonyms
 of coloured
TV
Use synonyms
 were higher than Black and white
TV
Use synonyms
, both version
prices
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually during the time span. In Japan, the salary
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each month rose gradually from nearly 30
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1953 to almost 120
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1968, before it increased dramatically to just over 180
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1973. The coloured
TV
Use synonyms
 trend started in 1958
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when the
prices
Use synonyms
 were significantly high. Coloured
TV
Use synonyms
 Value decreased significantly from nearly 180
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1958 to just above 100
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1963 before it dropped steadily for the next 10 years to just above 80
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1973.
Although
Linking Words
 Black and White
TV
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 were less than Coloured ones, their
prices
Use synonyms
 went down gradually,
similarly
Linking Words
. Black and White
TV
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 declined gradually from around 100
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1953 to nearly 40
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1968, before they remained steady for the next five years.
Submitted by on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, prices, yen with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average monthly salary
  • Black and white TV
  • Colour TV
  • Japanese Yen
  • Affordability
  • Upward/downward trend
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Price dynamics
  • Market changes
  • Increase/decrease
  • Ratio
  • Introduction
  • Compare/contrast
What to do next:
Look at other essays: