Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many offenders commit more
crimes
after serving the punishment. Reasons for
this
phenomenon can occur when offenders are not accepted
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
others and are unable to start a brand new life. In the following essay, I will explain why the situation has become worse and what precautions can be taken to solve the problem. First and foremost, the punishments are too light and have no deterrent effect in stopping offenders from engaging in
crimes
.
For instance
, teenagers who committed to stealing, are sentenced to community service.
This
makes an illusion that
this
is a consequence which they can afford,
then
, break the laws once again.
Moreover
, some cannot find a job or a place to stay after serving the punishment. With no assistance, they have no choice but to commit
crimes
, which are the ways they are most familiar with, to earn a living.
For example
, people who steal or
robbed
Wrong verb form
rob
show examples
, have a higher chance of taking the primrose path.
Therefore
, the government need to implement programs in order to cut off
this
toxic cycle and help
ex-offenders
walk into a new life. These programs should aim to assist
ex-offenders
in obtaining a job with a host. By stabilising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
and a living place,
ex-offenders
are willing to avoid ruining their peaceful life and stay away from committing
crimes
.
To conclude
, I believe it is crucial to assist
ex-offenders
to walk on the bright path. Once they understand how to earn a living without harming others' interests, they can make a huge difference and
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
not involved in
crimes
.
Submitted by bettyshampt on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction is concise and clearly outlines the points you will discuss in the essay.
relevant specific examples
Support your points with more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph connects smoothly to the next. Using transitional words and phrases can help.
complete response
The essay covers the main points of the task and attempts to explain the reasons for recidivism and propose measures to tackle the problem.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are generally clear and relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation programs
  • economic hardship
  • employment opportunities
  • social stigma
  • discrimination
  • psychological issues
  • mental health problems
  • substance abuse
  • negative peer influence
  • incarceration
  • offenders
  • ex-convicts
  • recidivist
  • penal system
  • preventative measures
  • re-offend
  • criminal justice system
  • reintegration strategies
What to do next:
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