Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In
this
modern world, most Linking Words
people
listen to Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
everyday
. Replace the word
every day
Hence
, some Linking Words
people
think that Use synonyms
music
can bring Use synonyms
people
of different Use synonyms
ages
together. I totally agree that Use synonyms
music
can unite Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
different
cultures and Change preposition
of different
ages
In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will discuss how Linking Words
music
can enhance bonding and group collaboration.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Linking Words
music
can build bridges between Use synonyms
people
's Use synonyms
emotions
, they will feel similar Use synonyms
emotions
when they listen to that Use synonyms
music
. Use synonyms
For example
, at Linking Words
concerts
the audience screams, jumps and sings along, and they have the same emotional reaction Add a comma
concerts,
such
as joy, empathy or nostalgia to produce a common connection. It is a sense of solidarity that transcends Linking Words
ages
and languages. Use synonyms
Therefore
, Linking Words
music
is an art that can move most Use synonyms
people
's Use synonyms
emotions
. So, it Use synonyms
is highly agree
that they go to the concert to feel united and enjoy positive Change the verb form
is highly agreed
emotions
.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, exposure to different musical styles can promote collaboration among musicians. Linking Words
For example
, guitarists and percussionists exchange their musical instruments to collaborate to experiment with different rhythm Linking Words
pattern
, Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
can
improve their skills and exchange practical knowledge about Verb problem
apply
music
, which allows them to find new Use synonyms
music
. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
this
allows Linking Words
people
who like different Use synonyms
music
styles to work together. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
music
can bring Use synonyms
people
of different cultures and Use synonyms
ages
together to discuss different styles of Use synonyms
music
.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
music
is a wonderful art that most Use synonyms
people
like. Use synonyms
Accordingly
, it can promote bonding and group coordination. I recommend that musicians should create more new Linking Words
music
to attract more Use synonyms
people
to listen to Use synonyms
music
.Use synonyms
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
general
Your ideas are clear and on topic, but be careful of small grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'most people listen to music everyday' should be 'every day').
task achievement
Enhance the depth of your examples. For instance, explain how the exchange of musical instruments tangibly impacts cultural understanding and collaboration.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports the main thesis. The second paragraph could further emphasize how shared emotions in music create a stronger bond across cultures and ages.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets the framework for the essay nicely.
supported main points
You successfully discuss how music can unite people, illustrating with relevant points and examples.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.