Science and technology have improved the standards of living in all over the world. Some people claim that the role of the arts has become insignificant. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a fact that scientific improvements have bettered our life standards. With
this
development, many believe that artworks have become less and less important. I totally disagree with
this
view.
Technologic
Replace the word
Technological
show examples
enhancements
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
made
easier
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
labor-based
Change the spelling
labour-based
show examples
works and,
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
cannot be replaced by the vital role of the
arts
. Having improved more and more, science and
technology
changed our lives for good. Nowadays, humankind
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
streching
Correct your spelling
stretching
the limits of the world. Owing to the products of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
age, we have got rid of our boundaries. Take mobile phones,
for instance
. It allowed us to shop at our homes, or provided
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
reach
Fix the infinitive
to reach
show examples
every corner of the world.
Moreover
, thanks to developments in medicine, we eradicated many diseases and robot surgeons are able to operate the most sensitive human areas.
Hence
,
technology
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
us to save energy and health, and
this
is physical betterment.
However
, the significance of art cannot be replaced by anything in the world. Artworks have always been the food of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
soul. They make us more human,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
sensitive.
In addition
,
arts
aid individuals to keep their mental state stable. After a rough work day, no kind of
technologic
Replace the word
technological
show examples
device or application
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
relaxation as classical music does.
This
invaluable
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
of
arts
can be neither replicated nor replaced by science and
technology
. In conclusion, in spite
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
fact that
technology
has made better our lives in terms of
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
show examples
,
arts
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
unique role and cannot be changed.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and presents a strong stance. However, consider providing a brief overview of your main points to strengthen the introduction.
relevant specific examples
While your ideas are clear, expanding on specific examples could provide stronger support for your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay is generally well-structured, but ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance.
complete response
The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic and presents a well-supported argument.
logical structure
Your writing demonstrates good coherence with ideas logically connected throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: