Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #punishment #measures

It is true that there has been increasingly more in the rate of

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

crimes after imprisonment.

Although

there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of

this

solution, steps can be taken to mitigate

these potential problem

Change the determiner

this potential problem

these potential problems

show examples

. Some difficulties in reintegration

Change preposition

into

show examples

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

after

prison

Correct article usage

the prison

show examples

period,

environment

Add an article

the environment

an environment

show examples

in jails,

several

Correct word choice

and several

show examples

related problems can be anticipated. First of all, conditions are inadequate for saving

psicologycal

Correct your spelling

psychological

health in a number of prisons across the world. Gloomy

atmospher

Correct your spelling

atmosphere

insufficient

Correct word choice

and insufficient

show examples

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

are impacted negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the bodily health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while

being among other

convitcs

Correct your spelling

convicts

give

Correct subject-verb agreement

gives

show examples

the way

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

to become

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

professional

lowbreaker

Correct your spelling

lawbreaker

. After

imprisonment

Add a comma

imprisonment,

show examples

more criminals usually lose their

oppotunities

Correct your spelling

opportunities

to live as representative citizens by

doing

Correct your spelling

going

show examples

Verb problem

apply

show examples

straight. One of the

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

is that

ex-imnates

Correct your spelling

ex-inmates

can not find

proper

Add an article

a proper

show examples

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Correct article usage

the competetive

show examples

competetive

Correct your spelling

competitive

louber

Correct your spelling

labour

market.

Therefore

, they commit

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

again in most cases.

However

, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems

describe

Wrong verb form

described

show examples

avobe

Correct your spelling

above

. Prisons should play

role

Add an article

a role

show examples

not only the way of panisment

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

should be as rehabilitation

center

Fix the agreement mistake

centers

show examples

for

crimals

Correct your spelling

criminals

that

Correct word choice

so that

show examples

they can

concern

Wrong verb form

be concerned

show examples

Change preposition

about

show examples

their actions and realise forward consequences which destroy

them

Change the pronoun

their

show examples

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and others'. They

shoul

Correct your spelling

should

be provided

phsicological

Correct your spelling

psychological

physiological

support, if necessary, they should gain some skills and education for earning money in their

further

Correct word choice

future

show examples

life

, or they should be able to continue

the

Change the word

their

show examples

former job in prison,

because of

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, to avoid feeling excluded from

life

. These measures are vital

ecspecially

Correct your spelling

especially

, for

juvanile

Correct your spelling

juvenile

juveniles

delinquents

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

do not commit

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

intentionally or easily led astray. others'. In conclusion,

verious

Correct your spelling

various

measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are

certin

Correct your spelling

certain

to arise after serving the

panishment

Correct your spelling

punishment

in the

life

ex-perpretrators

Correct your spelling

ex-perpetrators

Submitted by i.nureddinn on Mon Aug 12 2024

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task achievement

Ensure more specific examples are provided to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide better clarity for the reader.

task achievement

Work towards integrating and expanding your ideas more thoroughly. Currently, your arguments are present, but they would benefit from further development and detail.

coherence cohesion

There are some awkward sentence structures and inappropriate word choices that affect the overall readability. Try to proofread your work carefully or have someone else review it for grammatical errors.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression of thoughts. Transition words and phrases can be used more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

task achievement

You have addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons why offenders commit more crimes after serving punishment and suggesting measures to tackle this problem.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
54Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

recidivism
reintegration
rehabilitation programs
economic hardship
employment opportunities
social stigma
discrimination
psychological issues
mental health problems
substance abuse
negative peer influence
incarceration
offenders
ex-convicts
recidivist
penal system
preventative measures
re-offend
criminal justice system
reintegration strategies

What to do next:

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Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Write about the following topic: Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

More and more people want to own famous brands of cars, clothes and other items. What are the reason for this. Is this a positive or negative trend?

some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benifit teenagers at the school. To what extent advantages outweigh the disadvantages?