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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the online sales for retail sectors in Canada in the year 2005 & 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the online sales for retail sectors in Canada in the year 2005 & 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The presented pie chart gives data on online vending for retail sections in Canada in 2005 and 2010
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in these years the major
sales
Use synonyms
 were in the Electronics and Appliance
section
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the video games sector percentage was almost equal with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference of 5%. In accordance with the pie chart
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2005 in
this
Linking Words
 year the biggest
sales
Use synonyms
 were in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
section
Use synonyms
 of Electronics and Appliances almost 35%, with
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% difference Home furnishing was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
second place in
sales
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Food and Beverage had almost equal
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
, 22% of
sales
Use synonyms
 were in
this
Linking Words
 sector.
Besides
Linking Words
, the smallest percentage 18% of
sales
Use synonyms
 was in the Video games
section
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2010 the significant
sales
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
32% were in the Food and Beverage
section
Use synonyms
, as well with almost equal percentages the Electronics and appliances had 2% less
sales
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, as Video games became more popular the
sales
Use synonyms
 increased by 5% and had 23%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Home furnishings
sales
Use synonyms
 decreased by 10% and became 15%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, section with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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