There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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every
products
Change to a singular noun
product

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun products. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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including toys and snacks for teenagers are easily available everywhere, not only
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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TVs but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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gadgets. Some people believe these advertisements will be dangerous
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children
Change preposition
to children

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

another group of thinkers support that there are
bunch
Add an article
a bunch

The noun phrase bunch seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of useful details for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Personally, I completely agree with the first statement, and in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will discuss the supported arguments.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, many sellers
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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to reach broader consumers by widespread their advertisements and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb encourage. Consider changing it.

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young people with interesting storylines and attractive visuals of their brand.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, parents are worried that these advertisements would impact on the disruptive
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information

It appears that informations is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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on
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

if it is not
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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selective content.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials

It seems that commercial may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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about cigarettes or sexual stock that
supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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to be for adults
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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can be shown to those underage groups.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

would influence the youngsters to try several prohibited products and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead

It seems that the verb leads does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to misunderstanding about the usage of some stocks.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the abundance of knowledge about things from the
advertisement
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

might be beneficial to give them a deeper understanding
about
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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something that they never knew before. Young generations will get
inform
Change the form of the verb
informed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb inform. Consider changing it.

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about new playing tools that can increase their creativity and help them
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil

The spelling of fulfill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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their curiosity
if
Correct word choice
when

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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it comes to comparing snacks that have better
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition

It seems that nutritions may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
to conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the discussion,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
directed to
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

might give them several
information
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of information

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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, it is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential

If you don’t want essencial to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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harmful information that
not
Add a missing verb
is not

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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suitable for their age.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, older people should accompany them to make sure the content is fit
to
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
them.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is why I agree that
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will put too much pressure on them.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of main points in the body paragraphs to ensure that each argument is developed and expanded upon in detail.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will help make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use a clear and consistent structure throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the argument flows logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to correct grammatical mistakes and improve sentence structure. This will enhance readability and the overall quality of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the essay.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views as required by the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Self-esteem
  • Peer pressure
  • Obesity
  • Creativity
  • Eating habits
  • Educational value
  • Moderating influence
  • Marketing strategies
  • Unhealthy snacks
What to do next:
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